You have finally posted showing some reason and inner thought. You have noted some habits and actions that are very troubling. Those need to be dealt with prior to anything else.
At this point...I think your marriage is in the savable category, but first you need to deal with those skeletons. If your wife really wanted out....she wouldn't have told you about the EA. That was just your wake up call.
Slow down and think....this isn't a problem that you will fix fast or find the solution in over night...it takes time.
As far as the "manning up" advice....it might work and make her coming crying back to you. The truth is that in 6 months the same issues will surface again because you didn't address the heart of your issues....and you will be back here. There will be a time for it, but in your situation....by the time that comes I know Email guy will be long gone.
