Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Just got a fortune cookie that said: "Good things come to those who wait. Be Patient". haha, just thought that was too appropriate. =P

[awest1217]

You are being very patient! Just another little reminder to stick with it. Have a good night!

[Lucky11too]

So H came over last night liked planned (although really late- not until 9). I had saved our dinner for us, so boy was I starving! He loved my food and gave me lots of compliments. It was just nice. We had a lot of us time. Fortunately or unfortunately, we decided to rent "Couple's Retreat". It was hitting a little to close to home. The only good thing, despite all the ups and downs of the movie, the premise of the movie was to save these couples marriages and at the end, they all end up happily ever after. One of the couples reminded me a lot of me and H. They had a whole section on MC, which was kind of funny too. Not sure what H got out of it, but I hope he's reminded that our M is worth saving. So, a lot of snuggling, kissing, etc. It was just nice. H spent the night and is still sleeping right now. It's hard b/c I want him to learn to be a part of this family more with meals, time with S, etc, but on the other hand, I know he's closing tonight too. I don't know how we are going to reconcile that difference. People can make it work, but with a already rocky R, it's definitely not desirable. He made a lot of comments tho that suggest a future together - ie. "Glad your parents were able to keep this table over here for us" (I brought our table set with me, since it didn't fit in storage). It comes off to me as meaning it's still ours and glad they could keep it here temporarily. So, I don't know. Still good progress, but there is still a very rocky journey ahead... Just looking forward to V-Day tomorrow and just taking it for what it is - a fun time with H. No guarentees yet for a future, but I'm going to find the joy where I can! =)

[awest1217]

[Lucky11too]

So a little annoyed today. When we have a little time together all is good because we can fake the happy happy. But as soon as real life hits again, that's where we crumble. We went out for lunch and then this car almost backed up into us. I swerved out of the way but H got mad and went off on me for not using my horn. Ok, maybe I should have, but I was trying to process everything all at once and was just trying to get out of the way. We were safe so no reason to make a big deal out of it. Good gracious. Then after we ordered, they ended up bringing us an extra drink. I saw H's was almost gone so I asked if he had ordered an extra one. He said no, so I tried to see if he could give his old drink to S (b/c there was just a little left in that one & I didn't want S to have too much). Everytime I tried to ask it though, he would get mad and say that it wasn't his drink. I know the new one wasn't his, but just listen to me for a second! OMG, I was getting so frustrated. At that point, it wasn't about the stupid drink, it was about him being too stubborn to take the time to actually listen to what I'm saying. Today scared me. Everything has been so happy and fun recently, but it's not real life - it's like the dating life or the couple on a nice vacation - you don't necessary have to deal with the trying circumstances of everyday life. It scares me b/c I know I don't want the life I had but how do you really know how the person is going to act in real life until you're back in real life. It's the daily grind of kids, meals, dishes, housework, etc that show what a couple is made of. He's not anywhere near there and I honestly wonder if he can ever get there. But, despite all this negativity I'm typing, I'm still in good spirits. I'm still determined to enjoy tomorrow! I'm frustrated but I'm not destroyed.

[Lucky11too]

Just got a little ego boast. Got an email from one of my playdate friends right now. We went to her son's b-day party last weekend and I met her husbands brother there for the first time. I haven't really told her too much about the sitch with me and H, so justs knows we're separated. Anyways, she felt ackward about asking, but she didn't know if I was dating or not yet, but said her H's brother was totally interested in me. hehe. Obviously no where near there yet, but it just made me feel good. Like I said, total ego boast!

[awest1217]

That is always good to know that someone finds you attractive enough to ask you out. You are right about H and the daily life. It is very different when you are together and have to deal with S, housework, etc. It is not like I can completely just spend time with H and only H. Your H still seems very selfish, but he doesn't know what it is like at all to live with a baby. If you get to a point of reconciliation, it will be a huge culture shock. He has to learn at some point S is more important than anything else. Have a great day and don't forget your other Valentine, S. Enjoy him too.

[Lucky11too]

So fun day yesterday. I got the best of all worlds. H texted me around 1 with a "Happy vday!" We met up and checked into our room (H was hoping to use his connections to get a suite, but they were already over booked as it was, but the room was still nice). Then we came back and picked up S and went over to H's family gathering. We had dinner there and hang out with all the family, which was fun. H said he was happy to finally get to go to a family gathering b/c they are always on Sunday's & he always works on Sundays. But he was still a little negative while we were there, complaining how annoying different family members were. Then we took S home and put him to bed together and then headed out for our time together. I was flexible on what we were going to do, so I let H lead. We went back to the sports bar where he works, watched the olympics, had a few drinks, and H taught me how to play pool again. I hadn't played since before I got pregnant and H is really good now, so it was fun to have him teach me. I'm always such a miss-know-it-all, so I was glad I could give H that chance to teach me. We then even played a pairs match with another couple that were H's friends. We won, but all thanks to H. I only got 1 ball in. haha. After that we headed over to this salsa club across the street and met up with another one of H's friend and his date (this guy is I probably h's best guy friend right now, so it's important to have his support of us too. I should ask H what he thinks about us). We were going to try to dance but everyone out there looked like professionals, so we just watched and had a few more drinks. After that it was late (2:00am!) and we headed back to our room. By that time, I was just so exhausted. I'm not use to this going out stuff any more. So between having a few too many drinks and being exhausted from the week and S, I pretty much passed out as soon as we got back. That part wasn't exactly how I planned it, but H seemed happy with the fun night we had together. I just thought it was really cool that he was bringing me back into his world again. Before we separated, he purposely pushed me out of his life by cutting me off from any of his friends, his pasttimes, etc, so that was important that he's opening all that up to me now.

I didn't end up giving H the card b/c he said he didn't want to do anything like that. I did get him the little picture collage I made him and he liked it, I think. I just hope it makes it back out of the bag and into his room or something. I was a little disaapointed that he didn't do anything - chocolates, card, flowers, something, just to acknowledge the day. But still, those are just "things" and the important thing is that he wanted to spend that special day with me. It's almost like he's proud again to have me as his wife - introducting me to his different co-workers (including the one who tried to seduce him at their work christmas party!) and introduced me as his wife to the bartenders (some of his "buddies") at the salsa club. Also, notable, we had some interesting talks. He told me is thinking he would be ok now with having another kid with me and even told me the name he was thinking about. Wow, this is quite the change! Also, he was talking about therapy and just how positive it is and everything, so I am very hopeful that at some point, we can definitely do MC! So, yeah, all in all, a good night. Now it's back to real life though, so we'll see how the rest of the week plays out...

[awest1217]

You are so true. Life is awesome when you are on vacation and there is no worries except the two of you, or the three of you, but when real world steps in, all the issues are back and the mountain seems very hard to climb.

H is defnitely still making progress and it seems therapy is helping a lot. He seems more intune with how he feels. I am glad you had a good time.

[Lucky11too]

Exactly. It's amazing how out of tune H is out of real life. When we were playing pool the other night, I made a comment about how sometimes I miss this freedom (I wouldn't change having S for anything in the world, but getting a taste of H's world where he can just do whatever he wants whenever he wants with no responsibility to or for anyone, just seems so unfair. This is OUR son, not MY son. Grr, that just gets to me sometimes.) So anyways, his response was that I should just get my parents to watch him more. Hello, he's our son and our responsibility. I just don't get how he doesn't get this. I think it's still just the selffishness. I'm glad I'm apart of his selffish world again, but probably for only as long as he benefits from it. How do u work past that I'm not sure. Just trying to stay as positive as possible though and just be patient enough to see where this all goes.