I told her that people change and why is that so hard for her to believe? She came back saying that it takes a lot longer than two months for people to change.
If this is the new and improved you, she sooooo made the right decision to leave you. She'd be a fool to get back with you as you are now too.
I wouldn't take the bait and get sucked in...keep doing what you're doing and do not pursue- obv. the mushy BS doesn't take, even if it's the honest truth.
yeah. the worm just looks so tasty dangling there on the hook.
seriously though I know what you mean. I mean I could say what I want again, and then she'd likely come back with no and so forth and it would just make me feel like crap.
It still drives me nuts though how she thinks things have to happen instantaneously.
Even if it took years...the only thing I would want from her are reassurances that she's trying. But all I would get is "I'm not making any promises."
I got the same line- and I guess it's nice of them to be honest- prob is they have told us exactly what they're willing and not willing to do.
Quit asking, as it comes across as needy, insecure, and weak.
I'm prob a few months ahead of you- and all of my neediness and insecurity helped her get out of the house.
While she's there, it is what it is, just do your own thing, see what 180s work, if she doesn't do what you want her to do, dont react, just keep PMAing
I got the same line- and I guess it's nice of them to be honest- prob is they have told us exactly what they're willing and not willing to do.
Quit asking, as it comes across as needy, insecure, and weak.
I'm prob a few months ahead of you- and all of my neediness and insecurity helped her get out of the house.
While she's there, it is what it is, just do your own thing, see what 180s work, if she doesn't do what you want her to do, dont react, just keep PMAing
She's already living elsewhere Maynard...she now lives with her dad. It was my neediness and begging that helped her decide to walk out.
As of right now, I am committed to accepting the way things are and moving forward with or without my ex...though ultimately I would prefer "with".
I may take some flack for this...but here goes:
I ended up sending a response to my ex's earlier message after thinking long and hard about it. Heres what I wrote:
"You know ultimately what Id prefer happen, but I'm startign to see and understand your point of view and feelings. A different approach might bring peace and happiness to what could otherwise be a hurtful situation. Instead of seriousness, we could focus on making the most of things and having fun. Instead of who's wrong or right and what shaould have been but wasnt, we could focus on acceptance and what is. If we focus on the present and take things one day at a time, we can look back on this and know we at least made the effort and there will be no hard feelings or doubt. No promises, no expectations, no worried, just enjoying life and being there for Kaylee in whatever capacity she needs us as cooperative parents...and at the end of the day if we can be there for each other as more than friends, fantastic. If however, we can only be there for each other as best friends, we'll still be better people for it. After all, the best part of any relationship is the strong friendship on which it is based...and I long to find my friend again. It's up to you."
So we are where we are. I won't come down on you for your message to her- but as you know, it wasn't necessary to send.
You prob get the same feeling I do, once it's sent, the light bulb goes off, then we say Oh well it's what I wanted to say...
Maybe I'm mind reading, but that's how it goes for me.
How did her response make you feel?
Maynard, it's something like that.
And as far as how it made me feel. I guess the biggest thing was relief...that she didnt come back at me with a bunch of anger or repeat the "we're done" speech.
the secondary emotion I think I'm feeling is contentment...that I'm able to give her some things she's been wanting for a while now...empathy and acceptance.
the tertiary emotion I'm feeling is fear. I'm afraid...because I've kind of resolved to "let the cards fall where they may" so to speak instead of trying to place the cards where I want them. It's very frightening to not only have no control over the situation but to admit you have no control over it.
That's the start of a turnaround, but asking her to stay friends and keep options open is still pursuing and will still keep her distant. You still come across as needy, but fortunately not as needy. Do more to detach, GAL, and do things to improve yourself that don't include her one bit. The 1-word answer says it all - FINALLY!! She's been hoping and hoping for you to stop chasing, and the faster you chase the faster she runs. You need to give her the space to feel separated, because even though you are she doesn't feel like you are now. After she feels separated for a while, sees that you have made the changes, and realizes she might be missing out on something with you, is when she's going to come around if she's going to come around at all. You have to let go and release it completely.
H28 | WAW24 | S8 | D5 | SD2 | D1 | T6 | M1 My Story | My Motivation
I'm still trying to think of a GAL hobby that will get me out of the house...but there isnt a whole lot I'm really interested in or once thought I'd like to try someday.
In general I've always been a homebody...video games, tv, and computers. It was fine to be at home when there was someone to talk to but now that just doesnt cut it.
I looked on meetuup.com but the ones that I was interested in were either further than I would want to drive for a hobby or they were on nights where I have D3.
Of course a good 180 would be to get a babysitter and do stuff without D3 even while she's in my custody.
But if I'm gonna do that I have to plan in advance...as the only babysitters I have are my ex's family (mine lives 600mi away).
