I read your posts a few previously and I am just catching up with the latest happenings. Very interesting read and a lot of advice. The thing I find most disturbing though is what appears to be your desire to head towards divorce so fast. From what I have read...you have been on the board for approximately a week and in your situation for no more than 45 days. So in other words...you are very new, very unstable, and in my opinion making a bad situation much worse by attacking judgmentally and without much understanding.
While I don't support your wife's actions, you appear to blame her for basically everything that is bad in the current situation (obviously caused by her email EA) and giving minimal lip service to your own actions. You have addictions (bravo for starting to end them) that have gone on for years despite your wife's plea's to end them. Just by stopping for a day or week WILL NOT undo 16 years of this behavior. Just like she will not respond to these changes in one day. YOU have set a precedent of being self-centered and narcissistic...and eventually people will behave as they have been treated.
You have been giving a lot of "man up" advice and it is good advice at the right time. The truth being you are not at the right time. You are just a few weeks into this and kicking her to the curb is going to do nothing for you, her, or your son. She has no reason to stop...how many times has she asked you to stop before? And have her request fallen on deaf ears? Her response has nothing to do with respect for you as a man...it has to do with being fed up and responding in a manner similar to which she is familiar. By her telling you what is going on...in woman speak that is saying "start to straighten your crap up!" and this time she isn't going to wait like she did in the past....she has said her word and expects you to fail....now not failing will be "manning up".
Gucci's advice is sound (same with Puppy) but at the right time. Read their stories...they didn't lay down boundaries and ultimatums in your time frame. They worked on themselves first and that takes time. I would immediately call the OM's wife, let her know what is going on because that is the right thing to do.
Then I would work on skeletons in my closet first before I judge on some one else's issues. In a month or two once you have dealt with your issues...if the EA continues, then it is time to set the boundaries that have been mentioned. DB'ing is all about you and just berating somebody for their issues while not addressing your sufficiently will get you no where other than a hateful co-parenting hell.
I know that you probably won't heed my advice sine you are "manning up"....but someday you will see what I am talking about. I would also suggest reading the "thinking about leaving" board. I know there is a female on there complaining about her husband's (or boyfriend) porn and masturbation addiction. If you want to judge your wife's actions maybe it is best to understand how she feels from a woman's perspective.
Quote:
My H and I have been married 1.5 years. 9 months into the marriage I discovered he was addicted to porn, he was viewing porn for 3-4 hours at work. Our marriage is still unconsummated - he has low testosterone and refused to seek help in the early few months, and after seeing the gross kinds of porn he viewed I didn't want to try to have sex any more. He also lied about previous relationships, money, etc. - he lies about almost everything. He is supposedly in "recovery" (claims to attend 12 step groups and therapy) but he has broken promise after promise and demonstrated his continued untrustworthiness. He won't show me his credit card bills or cellphone records or give me his email passwords which I need to feel safe. We have been living in in-house separation for 9 months now and are planning to separate. We have just been together 3 years and have no kids. I have been depressed for a total of 9 months after discovering the betrayals and lies - I have never ever had a depressive episode before getting married. I am pretty sure separation and divorce is the correct approach but still I seem to need validation that it is the correct decision. Anyone else been in a similar state?
How is that for an eye opener to your behavior and her possible view of it. This woman has only been married for 1.5 years...not 16.
