Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

Quick update. I retained him. He pitched sending her a comprehensive proposal to try to speed the process and capitalize on the fact things are still reasonably good between us.

I said I can't commit. Part of me wants to rip the bandaid off and move on. Another part of me deep down doesn't want it to end.

He said what if we propose a settlement conference. The four of us in a room to see if we can hammer out an agreement.

I said I'm not ready to sit in a room and agree to the end. Nope, not there yet.

He said the other thing is to just send a letter. I've retained an attorney. We hope to settle it amicably. I'll continue to pay a certain amount of money, although I believe this amount is above what would be considered a fair settlement, and I'll be seeking joint physical custody.

Then we just wait for their response.

If at some point I want to speed things up, great, we can, but this would start the process, but in a slow manner. At the very least the divorce can't become final until May of 2011 if I don't want it to be.

That's what we decided to do. Maybe she'll cave and give in on the custody and payment levels. If so, great, we'll speed things along. Maybe I'll wake up and finally be "done." I've said I'm done in the past, but then the next day realized I'm not. Then I'll try to speed things up.

We spent a lot of time just talking about what's happened in the past year. He said, you've obviously done a lot of thinking and learned a lot from this.

I told him, yes, I've grown up in the past year and realized what unconditional love is and that I never really gave her that and when I was ready she'd closed her heart.

All I want is a second chance.

He said some people just aren't capable of having a fully functioning relationship with another individual no matter what you do.

And that may be the person I married.