I see the homework situation differently.. upon reflection.
You're lucky to be involved in a school system to know how things work.
Unfortunately, it's your son's, your daughters' responsibility to have their own relationship with each parent. It's also the kids' responsibility to to make sure that deadlines are met between two households. It's when that falls apart that things get dicey.
Stay out of an emotional triangle.. like the one between your obligation to your son to sign the paper, your son and your wife's reaction. As you found she'll balk at doing anything that puts the onus on her. Apologize to your son for not signing, remind him that you get distracted too and to pester you more than once if you don't follow through. Commit to doing your part of taking ownership and dealing with the person involved, whether it be teacher, coach.. etc.
If a mishap happens with a school issue, contact the teacher, tell the teacher what happened and deal directly with the problem at hand without putting your divorcing spouse in the loop. Do not involve a her if you're at fault. Remember things that were done without any problem while married crumble in divorce.
I tell you.. the 401(k) refusal sounds like a bunch of hooey. If hers isn't going to be factored into the divorce, then neither should yours. Who knows.. maybe her lawyer is churning, taking advantage of overemotional divorcing spouses with a sense of entitlement or she's forcing it. And no one cared that I wouldn't be able to afford what the Special Masters recommended. Going to trial is a crap shoot on her part. Talk to your lawyer and let them handle it.
It's tough when it comes to your daughters and reasonable requests that are asked upfront. I'd suggest telling your daughter you'll gladly pay half.. and do that. Otherwise your divorcing spouse will continue to put the burden on payment to you. Your daughter has a job and could swing the difference. Even though as parents we want to provide everything for our kids, in divorce everyone learns boundaries.. especially if you're living in compromised circumstances. However, since you already committed to paying for the entire fee if her mother refuses, it's your obligation to follow through. Keep your word impeccable with your child. The consistency helps immensely.
I'm glad you have such a positive relationship with your girlfriend. However, you're the father of your children and it's your job to raise them. She has input but not veto power. The balancing of your relationships between your kids and girlfriend has always seemed difficult. This is a time to define your boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable.
And your time with your divorcing spouse has taught you to capitulate and feel helpless in the process. Your relationship with your girlfriend helps you start anew. But you both tote your own fears along as you get to know each other.
Accept each other's warts. Don't be afraid to own up to them. After all, relationships slowly erode if fear becomes a stronger motivator than honesty.
From what you've written, your girlfriend seems to have abandonment issues. Reassure her of your commitment but that you have a responsibility as a loving father and parent. I can tell you, my former spouse cutting ties with his children is appalling, something that can never be taken back.
Decide what your priorities are and be consistent.
I think not constantly being on the board is a beautiful thing, and returning for help and support even more wonderful. It means you're living your life fully and know where and how to get help that helps.
And one last thing.. consider individual counseling to learn healthy boundaries which will lead to a better more wonder FLTC.
