If your finances are as messed up and intertwined as you say, why would you even consider trying to come to some kind of an agreement on splitting them up?
If you're to that point, I think it's time for a lawyer, or at least a mediator.
My impression in reading through your thread over the last couple days is that you are a spastic mess right now. You are trying so hard to both salvage the marriage and hold your wife accountable for her actions that you're like a fart in the wind.
How about instead of accelerating the process, you dial it back a bit and let things cool off?
That may not be the prevailing tone you've been receiving lately, but after hanging around her for the past four years, I've come to believe that a big part of making it through this marital mess successfully is doing your best to make sure that you don't cause more damage. Especially damage that cannot be undone.
It is possible to establish standards with your wife in terms of behavior without coming across as pushing her out the door. In the end you cannot control her behavior, and you never did get to be the one who punishes her for any wrong she's done.
How about a truce?
You both have a reasonable long standing relationship that will take time to unravel, if that's the direction you ultimately head.
Find a way to coexist in peace without feeling as though you're being dumped on in the process. Involve an unbiased third party, either lawyer or mediator, to help with the separation of assets and all the financial mess. Be fair and open with your wants and expectations in that arena.
In the meantime, stop doing for her. Instead, do for you.
Use your common sense when it comes to decision making. You should be striving to make every decision based upon honesty and integrity, keeping in mind that attempting to sway her with your choices will not work.
I'm not sure if this is making sense or not. I'll try to write more later when I am not tied up with other things. For right now I am just getting the impression that you are running around like a chicken with your head cut off. No good comes from that.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
