Can't find resources I need?? Help!

[Augtan]

I read some of the resources, the stages in deepth, but I have some questions, of course!!

I think my XH is between withdrawal and acceptance. He is still getting over losing the OW, but is seeing that she was a huge mistake. While I can't be sympathic that OW is out of the picture, I want him to understand that I do know he is hurting and that as always I am here for him, that I never really left him emotionally, even though we are divorced.

I have no idea what to do next, I have just talked to him in small amounts. Last night, I told him we need to talk and plan the trip...he jumped back in the tunnel for a second and said "I never said I was forsure going (he did!) and I need the dates again" I told him nicely that he has the dates and yes he did say he was going. At that point he jumped back out of the tunnel and said "okay, lets talk tomorrow and we can figure it all out." I want to put no pressure on him to go or not to go. I want him to want to come or not come at all. How do I not pressure him but let him know we just want to go and have fun, etc.??

I know he sees my changes, but I am afraid he just sees it has too big of a mountain to climb for us to ever be together again. And, like I said above, I don't know if I want to live wondering when the next bomb is gonna drop, as I have seen happen on here many times. I feel strongly that once he is completely out of MLC he would never do all he has done again, but I don't know if I will have any peace wondering if it will happen again, cause there are no gurantees, I can't live through all that pain again.

I just hope he realizes that I am the one who has never given up on him, never stopped believing in him, etc. Will he see that for himself? I have been the only one constant in his life for 21 years? His Mom died when he was 9, Dad was an alcholic and died when he was 21, brothers and sisters abandoned him, on and on. He thought OW was it and now she is gone too, I have stayed strong and walked with him the whole way. Sure, we got divorced, but I told him many times I never gave up on him. I sent him an e-card for V-day, just telling him that he always made that day special for me and I am thinking of him. Now, do I just ride it out til the trip and see how things go? I will not walk on egg shells completely, but I know I will a little. Help!

A