how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i think that the fact that my H is wavering and is unsure of what he wants right now, shows that, at the very least, he hasn't yet closed the door on our M. i certainly don't want to push him to one side of the fence right now if he's in a place mentally where he may be willing to do the work to save our M, which is what i think would happen if i handed him a legal agreement to sign.

i get what you are saying about ignoring my mom's advice, and i think that their main concern is that i get some advice and know what my options are. i don't really WANT to ask him to sign anything, but my parents are all over me to "protect myself" from getting financially screwed. but i do think that, like you said, me pushing for him to sign something would not really be giving him the space he needs, it would be saying, you want out, you get out. i don't know if i think he's insecure but i do think he probably feels inadequate to make me happy and fill my needs. my DB coach said maybe it's a case that he feels he can make everyone happy BUT me, since he's so charming and captivating...so i can see howo that would lead to insecurity.

my new life coach said that once i decide i want to work things out, i have to stop thinking in terms of "if he decides to leave." i thought i wouldn't hear from him all day yesterday, and just as i was about to stop thinking about it i got a text from him saying thanks again for talking to him the day before, that he'd finally been able to sleep and that maybe we could talk again on the weekend.

my goal is making my M work. i think in order to get there, i'm going to have to do a LOT of ignoring my mother's advice. in her eyes, people who love each other and are committed to their marriages do NOT move out into separate apartments, or say that they are unsure that they want to be married.

my H is not a bad person. he's hurt me and i've hurt him, but i don't feel that we couldn't use this experience as a chance to grow together towards a better, stronger M.