I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Flowmom -
You are right on. One of the things I identified in IC was I spend alot of time acting the way I THINK other people THINK I should be acting. Being formal is part of that issue - one I'm working very hard on I do better about being "real" when I talk to him in person - but I also have a hard time seeing him so its a double edged sword.

And I never mind a little hijack!!!!! (((flowmom)))

I think I - and maybe you too - feel like "formal" communication is unemotional communication. Since this sitch is SO emotional its my way of controlling that?

The bigger lessons learned over the last two days is 1) I don't care anymore about what happens 2)I no longer have to explain myself or apologize or excuse anything I do since H isn't going to listen anyway 3) I have the cookie!!!!

I was thinking last night about Pearl's post telling me that I need to not discuss in my email when I've told H that I have nothing to talk to him about and Dudess'(i think)point that he may feel the same way about the new me that I feel when I see him.... Follow me on this...

H swears he doesn't care anymore, just wants out, you know the drill... So when he sends me an email spewing about issues in our relationship and how he feels about them... I know he really does still care, otherwise why would he be hashing those things out or trying to throw them in my face??... So if I do the same thing.. while I'm thinking I'm standing up for myself and telling him to stuff it ... Really he's probably having the same response I do when he spews... Does that make any sense??! I need to be all business - totally detached. While I FEEL that way I need communicate it better. I really don't care anymore so there's no need to hash that stuff out - its all a moot point! My goal at this point is for him to realize the gravy train has crashed, I'm not taking on more than I should and he can deal with the reality of the decisions he's made. The best way to do that is to leave out the other stuff and just tell him what's going to happen going forward. He can't read into that!!!! I swear this was an epiphany moment...

I think the best way for me to "communicate" is with actions only. Talk is cheap. I don't need to express those things to him in any way - walking away from him and this D will do that for me. THAT'S the lesson I needed to learn this week!!!

T