Trying to move on

[ClingingToHope]

Today is going to be an interesting day. It's a Friday and I have three things to write for my job because I've dragged my feet as my sitch piled up.

I meet with the L today and fork over $1,500 with the charge to get me the best deal possible. I never thought I'd actually have to do it.

I turn in a loan app for another $1,000 to pay the retainer.

It's payday so I give a big chunk of change to W.

I have a basketball game to score tonight so everything has to be done by 5 p.m.

Luckily or unfortunately -- depending on your perspective -- the girls are off school today, teacher institute day, and are staying at a sitter's house so I don't see them after school. I can work straight through, but I won't see them until Monday.

I texted W to leave the tax stuff on the table so I can pick it up and work on it over the weekend.

After work tonight I plan on working on my book. My big weekend outing is tomorrow night. A fundraising ball with a Realtor in town who is a year older than me.

So much, so much, so much.

Hopefully, I'll keep my head from spinning too much.

[mindfull]

CTH - Good Luck w/all of that today! I just saw you are from IL. I'm an hour west of ORD, almost WI... Did you feel the earthquake by you? My kids are off of school today, too, as well as Monday. Looks like my rear will be tied to a seat - driving them to whatever comes up today!!!

[ClingingToHope]

I slept through the Earthquake. What is ORD. I'm just south of the Wisconsin border, 90 minutes west of Chicago.

W called and said tax folder won't be ready until tonight. I don't really want to see her so I'm going to tell her to put it in a folder and tuck it in my door.

Leaving in five minutes for the L. Decided not to transfer any money to W until L tells me what to do. Still having sentimental thoughts. I hadn't really thought about the night I asked W to marry me in a long, long time.

For those of you who have been through the D process and come out OK, what do you do with those memories?

[Drew]

Same thing you do with any other memory, good or bad. If it makes you smile, enjoy it. If it upsets you, let it go.

[mindfull]

CTH - Good Lord, we might be in the same town! LoL

ORD is O'Hare

[awest1217]

One question: Now that D is going on, why are you filing jointly? Is it better for you? Also good thinking about not paying W right now. I know it is mean, but she is the one going back on the agreement you made. Plus, you said that you are paying about what you would have to anyway if she did get sole custody, and that isn't helping her so why how will it help later? She is going to have to sell the house and move because she can't make it now and D won't help that. It only will make it worse.

I am so sorry, but have fun at the ball. Let yourself get your mind off everything for a bit.

[ClingingToHope]

Quick update. I retained him. He pitched sending her a comprehensive proposal to try to speed the process and capitalize on the fact things are still reasonably good between us.

I said I can't commit. Part of me wants to rip the bandaid off and move on. Another part of me deep down doesn't want it to end.

He said what if we propose a settlement conference. The four of us in a room to see if we can hammer out an agreement.

I said I'm not ready to sit in a room and agree to the end. Nope, not there yet.

He said the other thing is to just send a letter. I've retained an attorney. We hope to settle it amicably. I'll continue to pay a certain amount of money, although I believe this amount is above what would be considered a fair settlement, and I'll be seeking joint physical custody.

Then we just wait for their response.

If at some point I want to speed things up, great, we can, but this would start the process, but in a slow manner. At the very least the divorce can't become final until May of 2011 if I don't want it to be.

That's what we decided to do. Maybe she'll cave and give in on the custody and payment levels. If so, great, we'll speed things along. Maybe I'll wake up and finally be "done." I've said I'm done in the past, but then the next day realized I'm not. Then I'll try to speed things up.

We spent a lot of time just talking about what's happened in the past year. He said, you've obviously done a lot of thinking and learned a lot from this.

I told him, yes, I've grown up in the past year and realized what unconditional love is and that I never really gave her that and when I was ready she'd closed her heart.

All I want is a second chance.

He said some people just aren't capable of having a fully functioning relationship with another individual no matter what you do.

And that may be the person I married.

[ClingingToHope]

Mindfull -- the letters R CKF RD are in the name of the city where I live. Well, not quite. I'm north of it in LP.

[ClingingToHope]

Awest, I'm not filing jointly. She's going to file against me. I'm actually glad for that. I had to explain to the girls a few weeks ago why I moved out. They thought I chose to leave. I told them, no, their mommy asked me to leave.

I never wanted a D and at least I won't be the one to ask for it. She can carry that burden -- if it is indeed a burden -- as the girls grow up.

[awest1217]

No I am asking why you are filing your taxes jointly? Sorry for the confusion. I mean if she is going for the D, why not file separate but married, or will you have to pay more filing separately. I know with me I get more filing separately. Maybe something to look into?