Getting Tired of Trying- any advice?

[talia]

Rhody,
Thanks for stopping by my "home" yesterday! Your post made me smile and feel like the last couple days roller coaster was worth it - I'm glad it helped you! I am no longer stressing about how to handle this next phase... this board makes all the difference - you will see!!!

You may not have the choice NOT to file. At least my H has been ok with covering other bills - just not the mortgage... you saw how I'm handling that. If you don't have any leverage with him - mine is threatening bankruptcy - you probably can't FORCE him to help you. Can you afford to make the house pmt alone? Do you have other bills?

Just remember - there is a reason many couples have to file for bankruptcy AND divorce ... one of the parties just quits helping! I'm not suggesting that for you - I don't think anyone wants to consider that option - but according to my L its SUPER common. That's why D is always mentioned when some stupid commercial comes on about needing financing when you have credit challenges... blah blah blah... Add up all the bills - and do what I did - here's what your "half" is and you need to pay it. DEMAND that he help. If he refuses then you might have to file.

Whether or not you file doesn't dictate whether or not he will come home. You have to protect YOU! He's getting the best end of the deal right now - NO responsibilities and ALL of his $. He has an obligation to you and you may have to enforce it - as HARD as that is... Trust me... I know

I got to the point where I decided that it was time for me to start demanding what I want from him. Pussy footing around waiting for him to change his mind is not working for me. I'm busting my butt to pay bills and he's livin large. We BOTH got ourselves into this situation and we BOTH need to live with the consequences. Just know... if you start demanding things you need to be ready to enforce the consequences if he refuses... INCLUDING filing for D yourself.

It took me 5 months of busting my butt to make ends meet while he lived it up before I was READY to enforce the consequences. I know its not easy to get there. The other posters are right - don't let your FEAR that he won't want to reconcile get in your way of making decisions that would be best for you. The hardest lesson to learn in all this is to make decisions without considering your H - heck - you've been considering him for years!!

Stand up for you and your rights - IF he dosen't respect you, everyone you know will respect you and more importantly, YOU will respect yourself. Just don't be vindictive - don't stoop to his level - you are better than that!!


You can do this - and you are already doing AMAZING!!! Keep it up!

OH - and I know how you feel about kids!! I REALLY wanted to be having them right now and instead - my H turned into a terrible 2 year old... WTF?

T