On the valentines front personally I wouldnt bother, maybe do some thing nice as a family, if you feel a card is appropriate then do what I have done, I got my friend to make mine as I didnt want anything too soppy, on the front it says "to someone special" and its blank inside, Ive still got to think about what to put but I didnt want to add my name to something I dont feel at the moment. My H has booked to do something all weekend we are together friday evening so Im not sure what Im gonna expect to get.
With regard to W's visit stay cool and calm, what ever she is up to she is going to do regardless. I know its hard I shall be glad when the last hobby day of H's is over as when he goes back to his old haunts he seems to be more distant as if he is hankering after being there! Sorry here I go mind reading lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
If you decide to add any type of software to her computer, it would be a good time while she's gone. Do you think she would know anything had been added?
It does raise red flags about her trip, but you can't do anything about it. Stinks, doesn't it?
Valentines is always a difficult dicision in DB. My advice would be to get only a card that is not romantic. After all, this is a woman who wants to D. you, so it would seem very pursuing to get a mushy V. card.
If you are going to be with the kids on V. Day, you could get them something. Just play it by ear. I doubt your W will "rememeber" to get you anything.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi - there is no way W will go on trip without computer and right now, she is looking at late March.
I'm not sure what to think about the trip. If she stays with her dad as she currently claims, there is no way that she would have him over/around (and it would raise serious red flags if she doesn't stay with dad and I'd have to ask why would we spend the money on hotel rooms). But if she takes that one night in San Diego, would he fly there for one day/night (he's about a 19 hr drive from there, so you'd think he'd need to fly)?
Sandi/Rabbit: thanks for the thoughts on V-day. I'm not overly worried about it, honestly just sick of hearing all the commercials about it. I think I'll find a plain card, no mush at all, and then play it by ear on whether or not I actully feel like giving it to her. Your right sandi - she won't get me anything.
Not sure what to think/make out of the last two days - friendly, chatty, opened up a little. Heck last night, we talked back and forth laying in bed for about 5 minutes and she initiated the talking...that is way out of character. The norm has been she gets in bed, turns on her side to face away from me and then silence until I eventually say goodnight to her.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
But if she takes that one night in San Diego, would he fly there for one day/night (he's about a 19 hr drive from there, so you'd think he'd need to fly)?
All I can tell you is that when I was in EA the OM, who lived in another state, was willing to drop everything to meet me to make it a PA. I suppose it would depend upon OM's finances, schedule, and physical desire.
As MWD says in her book, hope for the best and plan for the worst. Don't know that that is very encouraging, but it seems to be something out of your control. Some people might think you should lay a boundary about her taking a trip, IDK,.....but to me "that" would certainly be a control issue. Some things, you just have to give her rope....and if she hangs herself...then there's nothing you can do but allow her to make that choice in life.
How are the kids doing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi. Kids are doing good. With W being much more engaged with them over the last week to 10 days, that has been good for them too as they are now getting attention from both parents and I notice the difference in how they behave and act. The younger one is behaving better and there is less fighting between the two of them over mom's attention...although I think there is still a little carryover after months of inattention.
There is no way I could say no to her going on the trip. She did ask me what I thought, if I was ok with it, and if I thought she was making the right decision. So, I did have an opportunity to say you shouldn't go or I don't want you to go...but talk about controlling. Her dad has spots on his lungs from asbestos, sounds bad, was sick for a month and even passed out once and no one told W cause they were afraid she'd be worried, he "sounded bad and old" on the phone last night according to W, and she's been thinking a lot about how her relationship with her dad isn't that good and wants to try to mend some fences...
I don't think it would be right to set a boundary on a suspicion that may or may not be true. I believe her reasons for wanting to see him and I believe that was the primary motivator for the trip...but if she is still in contact with OM, I wonder if this didn't suddenly become an opportunity to get together, even if for just one day/night.
One thing I can do is suggest W stay with my brother who just moved there...will think about that one...got some time to watch/listen and monitor.
Thanks for continuing to check in with me and offering your perspective/advice. I am forever grateful.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Rabbit - yep - will look you up on the alt today or tonight. Not much to report. One minor thing - W went shopping last night and TM's me about big clearance sale on clothes at store and asks if I need anything. For the heck of it, I reply don't need anything, unless something catches your eye. To my shock, she went looking in men's section and she TM's me a pic of a shirt she really likes but can't find my size but suggests we go back tomorrow or to a different store location.
I am looking forward to getting away this weekend and don't care if W is going to be cold or distant. The cabin we are renting is going to be nice, the girls are going to have a blast, and I am going to make sure that I do too.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
