Well, that's over. I feel wrecked; I was so nervous and pent up. I just find it so incredibly difficult to talk about this divorce.
We met up and had a nice lunch. I told him about Thailand and he was very pleased and excited for me. He is happy to have the cat and said yes straight away (ow has no input then?! If I got lumbered with a cat for a year, I'd want to know about it first...). We had a general chit chat; he said how tired he was. He talked about his *rsehole friends and how they were all getting engaged now. One of them he talked about I said 'oh yeah, wasn't that the guy that used to cough blood?' and he laughed and said yes. Nice! So I may have the bombshell that he's engaged to look forward to but hopefully I will be too wrapped up in my new life by then.
When we left the restaurant I asked if we could go for a quick walk to talk about the divorce. He looked shocked and said yes. I ended up tearful as I knew I would be because I always am when I talk about it - hence never talking about it. And he suggested we go to his car.
I explained the situation. He looked shocked and said that wasn't what he intended at all. That he had been to a solicitor with help on the form and she had filled it in without him being there. She had told him my solicitors would be charging thousands. Anyway, I explained that the reason that I had asked him to pay the costs was that I had never initiated or wanted any of this and still didn't. He reached for my hand and looked a bit upset and crushed. We ended up hugging which I broke out of. Of course he didn't change his mind about it or vocalise that he didn't want this, so I guess that was his chance if he was ever going to. He said he would pay the rest of the fees (about £700) as I had already paid the £300.00 court fee. So that is settled. He drove me back to my office and looked his lovely, kind, old self as I got out of the car.
I've come back to my work and am just sitting in my little office crying now. I know I have so much to look forward to with Thailand etc, but this it is just so horrible and I never wanted to be divorced. I have to accept the fact that he is clearly happy in his new life so I have to make myself a happy new life, which I am doing.
At least the cat is going to a good home. Oh and he had bought me a funny book about cats as a Christmas present, I gave him a boomerang.
This is all so deeply painful for me.
Al thank you reading your words helped me so much before I went!
