Absolutely Nik. I think this path we chose to walk is a good experience, because we have learned unconditional love. It is an important emotion to know...intimately. But the fact is that each person has to know when to say when. When is enough...enough?
I realize that I do love myself. I am proud of the fact that I stood for my marriage and my husband for 2.5 years. I did everything I possibly could to hear him, to learn from the experience, and to take away knowledge that I did not have before. It is not my fault that SG refuses to see that. And you know what? Now I can truly say...it is his loss. He let go of a wonderful wife who would have loved him, and forgiven him. He won't find that again.
I feel the same about your H. We are exceptional, because most men and women going through this would have just chalked it up and walked away. But all of us have, you and me included, stood. We tried. We fought. And in the end, we won, just maybe not in the way we expected. I say that because we all gained something...sense of self. Self awareness, self respect, love for self. And only with that can you begin to love someone else.
The husbands and wives who have walked away from us don't have that. They will continue to search for someone else to make them happy, and not realize that in order for someone else to make you happy, you first have to be happy with yourself.
I am ready. I am sure I will shed tears on the day the D is final, and that is okay. But the tears I shed won't be for the loss of the man who couldn't accept and give love, but for the loss of the dream I had of loving this man 'til death do us part.
But ultimately, it is his loss. There is someone out there who will be able to look at me, love me, and let me love him back.
Someday...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
