LOL, You know by know that the words that I read from you speak to me as if they were coming out of my own mouth. I know exactly what you mean.
Somehow, I am still trying to "save" him. I can't. I need to let him go for my own sanity. I have lived in denial for so long, trying to save a M that is not saveable anymore. Yes, I love SG. But now, I realize, that I am worthy of being loved back in the way that will make me feel good, and I am worthy of giving love back that will make someone else feel good.
WOW, these words hit the nail right on the head for me. A friend of mine told me yesterday he left the marriage a long time ago and he was right. Didn't realize it but those words stuck with me. Facing the reality of things is a daunting task and can be very scary. For 2 years I lived in a "foggy" version on reality. No matter what was thrown my way I thought we'll get through it, we have to, no matter what, maybe ignoring that there are some things that no matter how hard we try we can't get past or will always be present or maybe change the relationship that taints it forever. For me it was him sleeping with my best friend of over a decade. I grieved sooo hard and for months about that and I thought I can trust him again in time he can earn it back. I think in some cases yes that can happen but for me that was such an intimate level of trust that was violated it would have always been with me and in the back of my mind. Not to mention he was so sorry he did it two more times with two different women after her. This isn't love. I deserve more. I have gave sooo much to this man and our marriage. I know now that I deserve to have someone put into me and our relationship what I do as well. Equal partnership not an unbalanced dysfunctional child-parent, me constantly trying to fix relationship. That is healthy. I'm workiing on this. It's a daily thing I must do. Tell myself we (son and I) deserve this.
