The approach above just more conforms with the "Last, Last Resort technique" of DB so you are not really straying far from DB in my mind - just a different part of it.
And yes, it is the phsyical toll it is starting to take on me that has got me to this point. - My body is just telling me, you need this out of your life at this point. You cannot live day to day with this and have your son confused when you fight tears as he tells you about his day. Divorce would be hard but at least I can be emotionally detaching instead of trying to reconnect admist all of this. (However it is tempered by the knowledge that this temporary crap is much better than a lifetime of crap - as in divorcing).
Last year this same "vacation" was not much more emotionally and physically straining than it was this year. (when we spoke about that trip H says they did not travel together). I do not want this to be repeated next year. This is plain stupid.
If I put my foot down, H will most likely choose us. This is going to sound extremely stupid but I hesitate to do it because I don't want to hurt him. What is wrong with me. I tell him if he goes to her house on Thanksgiving I will be hurt yet he does it anyway. He keeps hurting me so why do I care. Seriously, what is wrong with me that I still want to protect him? I know protection is my nature but really, I find myself in a situation where I am protecting him to my own detriment - does that sound like what I am doing?
I feel badly for him because he has few close friends (other than OW) and no close family. I know I cannot "force" husband to be friends with me. We are separated and he looks at us like we "where a couple who got divorced but then realized they could be together".
And again, our relationship is much better now than it has been since we got married. Basically, we got married and H checked out and was a work-a-holic. (I have learned about the love languages and understand this was not done to hurt me intentionally) I in turn did the same thing after years of crying and misery. I don't feel like we have ever been really married actually. That's not emotion fueled memories talking, I mean, we are coming up on 6 years and have never celebrated an anniversary. He has called and made a point to acknowledge the day each time during our separation.
H has also done many many other things for which I am grateful from car help to childcare etc. being there to talk and for time immediatly at my request. He really is a good guy, DB coach states that it is the fact that he is such a good guy that will make his breaking away from OW extremely difficult.
Thank you for your input, I am listening. I seem to read, walk away, process a little more and then come back again.
This whole things has been totally awful but I would not change it as bizzare as it sounds. I have learned a lot - and if it did not happen I would have never known why I was so sick and be on the road to recovery. So, I keep making good decisions and find some comfort in that.
I mean, I have gotten us to the point where H is talking about future of us together as a family...after being in Attorney's offices.
Off to get ready for the day. Thank you so much for your time and thoughts.
