I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine last night. She is the only person other than people here who has really listened to me, and helped me through alot.

I have to credit her...she knows her subject material. She has been married for a long time, but she made a comment to me, one that I have heard before, but somehow last night she really got through my fog.

I love SG, but I have to love myself more to let him go, to make this pain stop.

Somehow, I am still trying to "save" him. I can't. I need to let him go for my own sanity. It was strange, like a light going off in my head. I have lived in denial for so long, trying to save a M that is not saveable anymore. Yes, I love SG. But now, I realize, that I am worthy of being loved back in the way that will make me feel good, and I am worthy of giving love back that will make someone else feel good.

I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am not sure how this happened, or how it happend so quickly. I am still not ready to get out there, but rather to focus on really loving myself, and now that I am steady and stable, being the kind of mother I want to be, being the kind of woman I want to be, I can relax. I can breathe, finally.

I am sure that there will still be times when I miss him, and times when I wish things were different. But finally, FINALLY, I have begun to put this behind me, and really look at moving forward.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..