My H doesnt get angry at all. He just squirms for lack of a better word. He gets tearful a little and says he is sorry he hurt me. What I am struggling with is 1) the newness of our relationship--OW put no negative demands on him and no heavy discussions and I want him to experience this with me-happy times 2) H also has very little awareness of his feelings and will he remember the negative emotions of feeling guilty/hurting me as just another bad time--generalize it to our relationship. I have read that 1 negative reaction takes 7 positive reactions to balance.
My H truly is very clueless. Example: Yesterday he ended up firing a employee who had been dragging the office down with her negative attitude for a long time. He ended up talking on his cell with OW (office manager and hygieniest) with her for 30 minutes on his cell. I asked him what could require 30 minutes. HE said she started talking to him about his mother's appointment with her, what his mother talked about etc and he couldnt get her to stop talking. I said "dont you see she is trying to suck you back in? Women want to talk to the people they love? Do you know what an EA is? This is how the A started in the first place? It was like a light went on in his face--he really didnt get it. He promised me he would not take calls anymore. This is about dentistry not life and death brain surgery after all. What is so important she has to call him. She doesnt call his partner.
I feel like this is progress but now I must balance the painful truth part with some fun,happy times. I need to put my "healing" on a slower track so I can keep the marriage improving and have something to heal about. I need to be happy not right. But this really sucks at times.
Regarding counseling or Retrovaille, I think it is a good idea in the future. I have read about it but right now he said "I think we are doing great, I am really happy with our marriage" when I asked him if he thought we needed more counseling. Cant push too hard.
So fellow message board posters--you are my counselors and sounding board. Thank you for continuing to deal with me. It is so comforting to be somewhere people understand or try to.
