HDWife trying for happier life

[HDwife]

Once upon a time there was a happy little girl who had a crush on the boy next door. Every day she would skip past his house and smile & wave to him in his yard. For a while, it seemed like the boy liked her, too. He would give a little lopsided grin and say "hiya". But over time, things changed. Instead of smiling when the girl skipped past, a scowl or a sneer was more common. One day the boy threw an egg at the girl when she came by. She went home crying but washed up and the next day, she was out smiling and skipping along yet again. The boy threw another egg. And the next day he threw another. Even though the girl washed the shells and sticky, drippy, mess every day, she began to feel as though she was still covered with the eggs when she wasn't. Still, she liked the boy, and those days that he gave her his silly lopsided smile kept her coming by his house. But, over time, the skipping slowed and shuffling became the norm. The boy would sometimes throw egg after egg after egg. One day, instead of going to visit the boy, the little girl looked into the mirror and saw a sad old lady looking back. The End.

***
The thrown eggs are the rejections I've heard over the years when I've approached my husband looking for sex. We've basically had the same stupid sex cycle for the past decade. He seems happy with every other week when I want it every night. After a few days of hinting, I start asking and getting told "No", "stop" etc. Often the pattern breaks after I completely bawl or blow-up. I'm sick of the cycle. Speaking of cycles - I was promised sex tonite after asking for it constantly for the past 2 weeks (dwell much? sigh) and of course, I start bleeding.

To me, a perfect marriage is one that everyday stress is thrown to the wind as 2 people who love each other find sexual solace before closing their eyes each night.

I'm sad. I know others have it worse, and I wish I could be more thankful for what I do have, but I miss what I don't have.

Am here to vent (thanks to anyone who cares to listen) and hopefully figure out a way to get out of this wretched cycle.