My IC asked me a question similar to what June asked - if she changed AND I changed to be exactly what I expected, would I be happy with her?
I answered that I don't know, but I was hoping that if we were BOTH working on improving, dealing with issues from the way we were raised, etc, that it might open my eyes to the beauty inside her.
I went into the IC knowing I recognized my own past was part of the wall I have between my W and I. I also went having recognized that some major issues I'm facing are: 1. I have problems giving praise & gifts 2. I have problems controlling my anger/irritation with behaviours I feel are hypocritical, wrong or illogical 3. That I am starting to realize that I am much less secure and happy with myself than I thought I had been (fragile?) 4. That I am embarrassed to be married to an “unskilled” immigrant who makes me feel I oppress her
I'm going to be trying to deal with some of these in the hopes of seeing more good in my W.
Still, Flowmom hit it on the dot - many of my issues are because my M is intercultural. I thought common religion would surpass cultural issues, but it did not.
My IC put it as there are communication and R issues that can be solved, but then there is personality. She added that you can change any aspect of the R, except personality. That to ask for personality change is impractical without extensive counselling, and even then, it is always possible. So to change the 'who' isn't the way to go.
I looked at my list, some are personality issues.
BTW - loved the idea of having an affair with your spouse...sounds very 'risky'~ I hope I can get my heart to the place I need to be to try this one out
