Question

[Lucky11too]

First of all, regarding opening yourself up - there is one consolation that you really only have to go thru one more month of this. Give it your all, open yourself up, and go forward with or without H with absolutely no regets!

Regarding OW, I think you are absolutely right in setting that boundary about him not coming home with OW still. Yes, he may have slip ups, but you can work with that. He is still a work in progress. But for him to think he can somehow continue to have you is definitely a problem. It sounds like a big blow up is about to happen (your above post) but don't let it get to that proportion. Yes, this all needs to be discussed and it needs to be discussed soon, but you have to find a way to talk about it in a loving firm manner. Fighting about the issue will just cause him to get defensive and will be completely unproductive. Show him that confident, strong, loving woman that you are and keep working on trying to get thru to him. If you want to wait until after V-day to see if he comes thru that would be an option, but just don't let it fester all weekend so that you explode on him. Honesty is always best and H's can't read your mind, so let him know that you would like (or would have liked?) to have a special V day with him. Remind him that you two need to start doing more things together to give you guys the opportunity to explore where you want this R to go. If he can't give you his time to at least have that chance, then you know his heart is not in the R. Definitely a lot to think about and it's not an easy thing. If it was me though, I think I would try to have a talk with him tomorrow in hopes that we could come to terms now and at least try to salvage the holiday weekend. If you have to stretch the truth a bit go for it and act as if you still love him. Maybe avoid the OW talk first to see how responsive he is and go with the whole I want to give our R a chance to see where it can go and that means I want us to spend more time together (starting with a nice V-day?) It sounds like that would be positive for you too b/c you need a chance to discover that loving feeling again too. Maybe with OW, start by playing naive with it and feel H out on where he thinks he is with it (still refusing to cut her off? "Trying" to cut her off? Or truely ending it? - in his words where he thinks he is) Unfortunately, although I know it's not the best to snoop, I'm with you on it b/c you need to be able to protect yourself, otherwise you could be put back into that bad situation again. You don't deserve a life like that but I don't believe your H is hopeless. He knows he has an issue-he just needs to follow thru on getting the help he needs. So I don't know, think about your options. There are definitely issues that need to be discussed but how and when is the tough part. Stay strong girl! One way or another, this will be over soon. Let's just continue to hope, pray, and plan for the best.