My Story...possible "grass is greener" scenario?

[Deep]

Your reading and learning here and elsewhere should have told you this by now: You forgive her for YOU, not for her.

You can have foolish, excessive, useless pride, or you can have peace as a better person. Forgiveness is not excusing nor condoning by the way; it's not even about forgeting.

going on the way you are is like whining about the sharpness of the knife your W plunged into your heart, and not seeing that wringing your hands as you hold the handle is only twisting it deeper.