New year, new thread, update of sorts..

[dmkdmkdmk]

Interesting night...

H and I spoke this morning about his job that he hates, and thinks was a big mistake to work there because he doesn't think that we'd be separated if not for the job. I didn't have much to say to that because I was just getting to work but later in the day I sent this email:

I was thinking a bit about something that you said this morning, and probably overthinking, but I wanted to share. I'll try to be brief.

You were putting a fair amount of blame on your job as far as being where we are at right now. I agree that the difficult schedule, especially during racer, did contribute greatly to your physical/emotional/psychological whole being exhaustion.

Yes, it pleases me to hear that it is not all my fault. Why? Because, in counseling a couple of weeks ago, you were quick to put the responsibility for repairing the marriage back on me. But if I'm not the only one who broke it, I can't be the only one to fix it. Especially when you are not at all clear about your expectations of what I would need to do to fix it. I didn't file for divorce because I didn't want to be married, but because YOU didn't want to be married.

At eight months into the separation, I'm pretty much convinced that if you wanted to be married and live with your family, you would be, at the very least, acting like a married man and living with your family. It would be stupid and naive of me to believe that you left to go live like a celibate monk for a year. You seem to be having the time of your life with all of your new friends. And that's fine, I'm actually also enjoying seeing friends a lot more than I did before you left, meeting new people, and trying all kinds of new things. But I'm not choosing to live my life in a way where people start to question my character and reputation.

When you say that you don't think we would be having our problems now if not for your work schedule - it makes it seem like a simple fix (you don't think we could scrape by if you were making $12/hr somewhere? I have to make it work on my my income alone plus the $650 I get from you every month and I'm managing so far). But it's also not really admitting any fault on your part...

I guess the root of it is - when you say stuff like that, it leaves me feeling confused, like your words and actions don't sync up right. I feel sometimes like I'm being manipulated this way.

Just something to think about.

Since he's been to work and read the email, we've had the following text exchange:

H: Yeah, time of my life. I hate my life. No reply needed.
H: Have you ever done somthing so stupid that it seems impossible to fix?
Me: Nothing is impossible to fix.
H: That's why i said seems
Me: Yes, i've done stupid stuff. I've done stuff that I really regret. are you talking about the moving out?
H: Yes
Me: How do you think things get fixed?
H: I heard there was a credit fairy isnt there a marriage fairy
Me: Yeah... It's called Red Lobster and dooney bags.
Me: Oh, and boobs.
H: I think there are some guy things too
Me: I know. Who do you think bought you those guns?
H: Boobs? I know you bought me the ak. Best present ever.
Me: The bersa was your anniv gift 2 yrs ago
Me: WE are the marriage fairy.

No reply since then... but it seems like we're getting somewhere. At least we're talking about it rather than ignoring it.