Journaling--

Oh, my friends...

Just finished the exercise of writing out my L's advice on big flip chart paper, and sticking them around the bedroom.

Main advice is to take the $ and run.

Had to look thru all the re-fi and appraisal info. Just this time last year we were re-fi'ing to be paid off in 15 years. I don't know about you, but 15 years seems very do-able. A blink of the eye.

And then we would have the house, and our lives, and close to retirement, and love and life.

And as we signed the papers... one month away another woman was going to walk into his life....and change everything.

Just sent him an email about some insurance stuff he had asked about. I included a little question about how a particular work project was going. Just to be friendly.

I am at a strange stage:

suddenly picturing X asking back in.
trying to get to the stage of WAW--thought I was there.
afraid that an ugly battle for the house equals slamming any possible cracks in doors firmly shut
I feel OK in the house
Roomie is here for the night for the first time. Thus I am sleeping in the bedroom for the first time in months.

to engage in house battle or not.

L put it clearly in profit/loss/dollar amounts. That's her job.

Yesterday I found the receipt for the lovely, soft, eco-, green, new sheets that he bought on-line. Dated end of April. And sometime in May...she arrived. And everything changed.

Weeping, weeping.

Thank you all for being there.


Me: 44
Him: 42
Together: 23 years; never married
Bomb: August 1, 2009
Affair since May 2009
Walk away; no conversation; no process