Okay so to continue..... 1 week after he left he said he wanted to try counseling. We talked for a week, but I was very emotinal and did everything wrong. I did admit what I'd done wrong in the M, how I'd not met his needs, etc. We talked about reading His Needs, Her Needs and discussing that weekly. We talked about finding some help and finding a place to start. I went ahead and found a couples retreat...it is for people who are deciding whether or not to get divorced. I sent him the link and talked to him about it. He had about 4 days to look over the material and then I got frustrated. He asked me to go to counseling, but by week 3 he hadn't made any effort to find it. I need to spend time with him, he said, I think that's important, but won't tell me when. So I was just getting frustrated with the no follow through, and it wasn't moving how I wanted it (I know big mistake). So we argued- he says I need some time to catch up, we are on different levels, and I'd say I need compromise here. On and on. Then we decided to leave it for a few days. Thursday of last week I finally said, listen, I can't sit around and wait for you to throw me a bone. You want to talk to me, you want to keep me hanging on and in your life while you decide if you even want to try. That's not okay in my world. I am not giving up, but when you decide what you want to do about "us" let me know. He said, I understand, I can't ask you to wait while I figure out what's wrong with me. If he knew what was wrong with him then we'd fix it, but again he just doesn't know. He said, it's not closure and it's not healing! So frustrating. One week it's we need to talk and do this and do that, the next week it's I don't know why I am trying and I need to make sure it's for the right reasons.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
