Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[flowmom]

Weird question perhaps, but my W knows I'm communicating with a forum to try to get help for our M. She feels angry about this and demanded that I share what I write.

I think that you should validate her feelings. I know that I feel very threatened by the sources of advice that H is seeking out because I am assuming (pretty sure I'm right) that he is getting a lot of encouragement to "find himself" and reassurances that the "kids are resilient", etc. . She may feel that you are seeking out support to justify divorcing, and she is not totally wrong -- given what you've posted here. She probably knows you well and knows your wavelength.

Option three was she would 'find some man who she can talk to and maybe would love her for who she is'.

I would not share what I write.

I find option 2 & 3 very controlling / spiteful or strange

She is scared and she is trying to control what influences she perceives you are under. She has no way of knowing that you are getting a lot of encouragement to take ownership of your own issues here. I suggest that you support option 3, but ask that it be a marriage-supporting counselor who can give your W the safe support that she needs and deserves (do not suggest that she go into C to "fix" herself).