I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Dudess,
I like you - vindictive is OK - Here. She does deserve it. I suppose there is that glimmer chance in hell that he would do the things necessary - but since he's not expressing interest its time for me to move forward. I guess I'll cross that bridge if I ever get the chance. Part of me feels like I shouldn't have to be second choice anymore. He has to WANT to be with me and PROVE it.

I'll think more about meeting with him... You make a great point about creating mystery. I suppose I could sort of split this - meet him very briefly - tell him I've been advised not to file jointly. Here is where I stand on the finances and give him the last part of the letter to review. Maybe that's the best of the good and the least of the bad????

I need to read the responses again....



How about this for the first part of the letter?? The financial stuff at the end just is what it is...
I would like to advise you of some decisions I have made. I see no reason to meet at this time. As I see it, we have nothing to discuss in person. Its clear this divorce does need to move forward and as things are now it would be the best thing for me. Here is where I stand.

I know you have some legitimate complaints about my role in the dysfunction of our marriage. I acknowledge that, and as you know, have been dealing with my issues. I believe in time you could have seen that those changes are for real.. I would have been willing to put in some effort to see if this marriage can be saved. I think we both will regret someday that we didn’t do everything we could to be sure it’s unsalvageable. I have decided that there is no longer an open invitation for you to come home. I deserve more than this from my husband. I cannot respect your decision to cut and run and I damn well cannot respect your decision to involve a third person in our marriage.

We will not be filing jointly for divorce. Once you serve me with the required papers I’ll have my lawyer take a look at things from my end. I’ve been advised that it’s in my best interests to keep that separate, as I need to protect myself.

I am willing to continue to work together on bills with you and keep doing what we are already doing with our joint acct. We both have a stake in being able to see that things are paid properly. This way neither of us needs to worry about our credit history being hurt any more by the other person.



In my state a couple who can work out all of their D terms together can file "jointly" or uncontested for D. They enter the petition together and usually don't even see a judge in person - the judge just reviews and signs the order. This is what H wants - my L tells me this would be totally stupid. Thats what I mean by collaborating. Mediation is where we all get together with lawyers - which I assume will be the next step after one of us files.

T