Motive - good question... 1) need to tell him the decision about the house.
Ok. I buy into this.
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2) and this is the hard one... I am having issues detaching - I feel that if I disconnect completely I will really lose him. This is why we are where we are...we disconnected from each other - shut eachother out. How do we get back with total detachment?
Detaching is not easy. Trust me I know. You are scared of really losing him. But in reality, isn't he already gone? In my sitch H and I ultimately shut each other out too. Shame on me for letting this happen. Shame on him for letting this happen too. But I have accepted that if H should choose to work on the M/R it will be on his time table which is out of my control.
Detachment is not logical. It is the last thing you want to do. But detachment is ultimately for you not him. Show H you can live without him. You may want him, but you don't need him.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
The support here is amazing - I am making it a habit to come here before I do anything!!
Going to make it my mission not to contact H today. The house decision can wait.
This weekend my parents will be in town so there will be no contact this weekend with H. My father is so angry right now... well you know daddy's little girl - how could he do this to his little girl. I am sure he will have issues with my decision to FIGHT for my M.
Focus on having my folks here for the weekend and have a great Bday weekend for my D13 (soon to be D14!!)
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Going to make it my mission not to contact H today. The house decision can wait.
Bravo.
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This weekend my parents will be in town so there will be no contact this weekend with H. My father is so angry right now... well you know daddy's little girl - how could he do this to his little girl. I am sure he will have issues with my decision to FIGHT for my M.
Dealing with family in this sitch is difficult. They hate to see their little girl hurting and just want you to be happy. Use them for support, but get your advise from these boards, an IC, etc.
BTW - You are doing great. Keep it up.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
I agree to use the boards for support. Fam will always side w/ you and likely encourage you to file and get over it- they want you to be happy and don't care what it takes for you to get there.
My father flips on me when I let him know I'm taking no action, but also keeping no expectations- to him it is not logical, and he believes I am only hurting myself.
It's only b/c they love you though, so keep that in mind as well.
I am not looking forward to my dad's response/reaction when I tell him that I am not interesting in a D. Going to make sure that he sees that what is good for me right now is to give every effort I can give to save my family, save my M.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Thanks - I am trying really hard - been 4 days since i have spoke with H. Longest time in 21 years!!
Just became a fan of DB on alt.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
Had to call H this morning and let him know that D13 is sick again. It was a short call - he sounded excited about some new training at work - I told him that sounded great. Took the oppt to say I know you busy next week with the training and that I know next week is not good for him but I would like to go to breakfast sometime. Asked him to give me a call about it and he said " okay will do" with some excitement in his voice. It was not a shut down.
Kept it short and keeping my expectation to a minimum. Baby steps right!!
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
HELP!! I asked my H last week if he had any conversions with OW while we had been on our 20th anniversary trip - he assured me he had not have contact. Don't ask how - but I find out this was a lie! He even spoke to her on our actually anniversary!!
Do I confront him with this information? Do I leave it alone - most likely answering my own questions - what good will it do!
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
