h and i have texted some back and forth. mostly me. i ask questions he ignores. ones he did answer was if he could life with his decisions and choices he has made? he sent yep i sure can.
i know it was a bunch of bull. he' snot going to be able to take it later on. he still thinks he can pick up d2 having only seen her 4 times since nov. i have not totally denied him to see her i just said on my terms that are in her best interest.
today is the day i find out when the scheduled csection will be. my work and remaining family are all chomping at the bit to find out, pluse my work keeps shoving a wheel chair at me to use. they see me struggle everyday to walk and do my job.
i have good days and bad days. my hormones are off the charts. recently found out im in total denial. i never thought h would ha ve gone this long or not changed something to want to be in the delievery room. i think he wants to soley for the baby, but he has not been supportive all through the pregnancy.
i looked back at older posts and i was tore in nov and still now. i want him there for me to support me, hold my hand and be husband and family. but i also am so disappointed in him and so still very angry. time has not healed that part, it has gotten worse as i have progressed in pregnancy and had a few emergencies. none of which he has been there for.
he hasn't changed his way of anything in reference to d2 either. made her promises didn't keep them. she's sick didn't ask about her, only wanted to pick her up so she could visit with his family. as i explained she was really sick diarhea, high fever. and still doesn't ask about her. he can't put himself after her, now or ever and i'm afraid she 's in for a lot of pain with him in her life.
my h is still an alien but i believe he is being who he really is in his character i just didn't see him for who he really was. when dating he put his mom first, sisters, arguements early on about him choosing his friends over me on his bday. it is who he is and he is not going to change, they are his major character flaws.
its very hard for me to deal with that since i was commited to the marriage and had children with him. he's perfectly happy with seeing them once ever month or two, paying for his truck before anything for them,.
i'm very sad and need to get ina good place to deliever this baby. it's gonna break my heart to not have him there for me, it's a milestone in parents lives. he just can't step up to do what needs to happen.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
as i was leaving work to head to the dr appointment I was excited and told everyone on way out, this is it i will let everyone know in the am when this lil boy is coming out. i get thumbs up, call us, really making me feel as though people care.
in about ten days i will drive myself to hospital and leave with another little addition to my family. my d2 is excited since she says she's having a baby girl bear.
i'm trying to not let the negative feelings seep in. morally and marriage standpoint i'm tore up inside about doing this without h. what i wanted to have happen did not.
saturday is our anniversary, sunday is valentines day and then i give birth to our second child.
this person or thing that is my h and father of 2 of my children is a stranger nothing but a sperm donator at this point. my journey since he has left us in nov. has basically gone unchanged. did i fail at dbing? feel like it.
here i thought i would just keep on going during pregnancy and as each day grew closer to birth h would realize what he was doing, care and step up. nope what a false sense of hope i gave myself. it is me that is upset about the whole deal of birth and recovery after surgery.
what advice do dbers have for me now?
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
here i thought i would just keep on going during pregnancy and as each day grew closer to birth h would realize what he was doing, care and step up. nope what a false sense of hope i gave myself.
((jstar)) been there, done that. I hope there will be someone to help you take care of your kids while recovering from surgery.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
well as the day comes closer and closer the people and family that planned on being there have other stuff going on. as of now it's just me, baby, and d2 once we are home from hospital.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Jstar, you NEED help after your birth! Who can you pin down to help you? And can D2 at the minimum stay with her dad???
Seriously!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
d2 can stay with my niece and her bf. d2 father is not an option. for a man to see his kid 4 tmes since nov, not a healthy place for her to be, espcially with not knowing where he lives work schedule, no bed etc. etc. on and on.
we will make it thru one way or another we have to were are not given any other choices. it's gonna be us three together so we need to be strong in ourselves.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
oh yeah happy anniversary to me! i was told today in vm that i am nothing will b enothing to h that he let go of d2 since he can't stand me. that means he has now matched his actions to his words of walking away from d2.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Ok, glad d2 has a place to stay. Sorry to suggest her dad... sounds like as soon as you recover from birth, time to look for a reliable, kind, man who loves kids!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
at this time i do not think with my age, relationship experience i will be looking for much. i'm just gonna concentrate on my kids, work and trying to raise them the best i can.
as much as i wuold like a whole family unit of mom, dad and kids it's just not in the cards for me.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i have actually hit an all time low. i am utterly depressed and trying so hard to be positive about the birth of my son. i can't just get it together.
my niece that was going to be in delivery room is not, she was going to have her mother fill in, my sister but her and i have an estranged relationship, i told her to please let her mother know i do not want to hurt her feelings but i would prefer to just do the birth on my own. they can be there for when he comes out but i'm pulling away from everyone.
i spent some of the day sunday weed wacking, as much as i could before the city gives me a ticket. i figured i'm in better condition now then i will be in a week after surgery to chop weeds down. i have asked other family members for help but they are not willing.
i just have this whole feeling there really isn't anyone just me that i can count on. granted people want to be there for teh surgery but not aftercare, they can't due to work, etc.
i tried all yesterday and today just level with h. went so far as to go to his house and try to talk to him. he made it be about his mother and father. said don't wait for me, not like if i come back you will ever for give me for the first 9 months leaving you and now whatever it is 4 months and not supporting you during pregnancy. just serve me and deal with the court.
after he stood on other side of road with his father as d2 was looking at him all confused, walked up and was what the FE$% are you doing here. me not answering your questions should be enough.
i'm the stupid one. i wanted to level with him, tell him that i know it mean alot to him to be in the delivery room or be aware of what was going on, but as much as i want him there, he would only be there for son not me. i did nt get a chance to say anything.
it was what the fu#4 i cant take d2 to see her grandparents, i said not this was not about them at this time, if they wanted to see her they could come to my house and visit, he says well they don't think they are welcome there. welcome to my world, i've never been welcome at their house. he says you don't call people who are illegal, illegal, i asked why not if that's what you are? if there is an abuser, or drug addict or doctor you call them what they are.
people on her have commented on how strong i am, i'm not really. i lost it all tonight. i was so frustratied i lost my temper and broke a mirror. i am so scared about the recovery and money and when i go back to work who will care for both kids and having to work extra to pay for the childcare someone else will be raising my kids.
i didn't go through all this trouble of injections, blood testing, medications for me to be away from my children. i went there to h's house to put it on the line. great relationship didn't work out, but these kids are in the middle and not getting what they need or deserve. i'll struggle to give them them a roof and food with my lovely teacher salary, still paying child support for my d18. i make to much for assistance but not enough to sustain a household on my own. so something has to go.
biggest debt is my mortgage. all this pressure and the birth around the corner, i'm melting down big time, but here i gotta get up and go to work till day of surgery so i get paid to teh very last moment.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
