#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[Onthemountaintop]

If we weren't in other cities, I'm sure many of us could help you with #3...

Might sound silly, but were your great ideas things with him or by yourself?

[flowmom]

Might sound silly, but were your great ideas things with him or by yourself?

I wanted to do stuff with the kids but also go to a yoga class by myself. I would prefer to not see H on Vday, and I'm trying to think of an excuse to ask him not to come that night (for the bedtime routine).

[Onthemountaintop]

That makes sense. The kids might miss him that night, but if things aren't going well it might get them used to the idea.

I bought some small exercise equipment for home (couple weights, etc). When I'm stressed, I have a way to burn some of it off. It doesn't replace getting out of the house, my W says. She feels very couped up being in the house all the time with the kids. I hope you find a plan that you can fully enjoy regret free. Do you have a rec center with kids' programs?

[Onthemountaintop]

I'm a fan now.

Is this the Divorce Busting Facebook site?

[Cadet]

yes

[flowmom]

My big GAL/180 plan for the day:

I'm asking my H to put the kids to bed by himself for the first time! And I'm actually going out to an evening event for the first time in 4 years. I've done all of the nighttime parenting for 6 years.

I'm going to a social event with other folks in my field. I'm not as excited about it as when I first made the plan. I'm not feeling confident in my career or as a person, so I'm feeling nervous about interacting with people who are mostly (or all) distant acquaintances.

I think it's good to push myself though. It meets three of the threads of my prekids life that I want to resume: 1. expanding my social network 2. my career and 3. enjoying men as friends/allies/colleagues. Going to a pub is definitely not a typical activity for me in recent years, so I hope I can do something out of my comfort zone and gain some confidence from that. I'm reading a book about body language and I'm going to try to avoid using closed/insecure body language that would probably be a default for me when I am feeling like this.

[Ready2Change]

My big GAL/180 plan for the day:

I'm asking my H to put the kids to bed by himself for the first time! And I'm actually going out to an evening event for the first time in 4 years. I've done all of the nighttime parenting for 6 years.

I'm going to a social event with other folks in my field. I'm not as excited about it as when I first made the plan. I'm not feeling confident in my career or as a person, so I'm feeling nervous about interacting with people who are mostly (or all) distant acquaintances.

I think it's good to push myself though. It meets three of the threads of my prekids life that I want to resume: 1. expanding my social network 2. my career and 3. enjoying men as friends/allies/colleagues. Going to a pub is definitely not a typical activity for me in recent years, so I hope I can do something out of my comfort zone and gain some confidence from that. I'm reading a book about body language and I'm going to try to avoid using closed/insecure body language that would probably be a default for me when I am feeling like this.

Way to go!!!! Go have a blast.

It is all practice. What body language book?

[flowmom]

What body language book?

Superdate by Tracey Cox. It's not just applicable to dating though, IMO.

[flowmom]

Well, the social gathering was a bit lame, not surprisingly. But it was redeemed by an old friend of mine showing up. He's a real character who I worked with mostly before I was married, and who's always been kind to me over the years. I hadn't seen him in a while so it was great to have a few laughs. He had some kinds words to say about me professionally, and that felt nice too. He knows my H so it came up that we were separated, but it felt good to say "but that's too boring to talk about". Because really, it's such a boring story. Much more interesting to talk about the rare orchid that my friend found that was featured on the cover of "Orchid Digest" . He said he would invite me over with the kids, which would be fun.

My totally uncharacteristic outing didn't seem to phase H one bit. I came home and there he was tapping away at his laptop on the couch, as if he had never left. Fortunately, the bedtime went well so there wasn't any blowback from that. There's a faint possibility that he knows where I went because an acquaintance of his was there last night. It will probably come up at some point.

Anyway, that's my GAL report for the day.

[flowmom]

Well, H just left for the night. I was interesting because he wanted to tell me in person about his travel plans with his mother, and the fact that his brother was coming to stay with him in 20 days, and that he had the children's medicine set up. Nothing that he couldn't have communicated by email or another time. Wondering whether to regard that as a babystep. He didn't seem as angry or pumped with adreline as he often has. And he isn't totally clammed up as he has often been, as if just talking to me would be some kind of concession to me. I was really good...I just interestedly received his info then politely asked "is that all?" as if I was wanting to get back to my computer.

I find it interesting that his brother is coming to stay with him for 2 weeks. I just don't see H allowing his brother to stay with him for 2 weeks if he was conducting a torrid affair in his apartment right now. And H wouldn't want his family to know his business if he was doing overnights with an OW. My H is an all-or-nothing kinda guy. My guess if there's a woman involved, it's an EA or just a desire to have an A, but not there yet. Doesn't prove anything, but IMO it's on the "no PA yet" side of the evidence.