My only mistake was in believing the title of your thread "Opinions wanted please." Your opinion is the only one you want.
I don't want opinions that make a bunch of assumptions based on how you do things. Whether you want somebody to text you every day or not when you're abroad is neither her nor there. If you'd read the posts then you would see we both have been texting each other every day. You then called me needy, dependent and attention craving and very rude.
You're right I don't want your opinion because it's based on how you feel.
Maybe you've been hearing it all these years because it was true? Okay for sake of argument, in what way would you want your communication with her to be better? If you two had what you define as "good communication", what would that look like in your pespective.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Again, isn't it a given (aside from horrid physical abuse) that the breakdown of a marriage is caused by TWO people?
Since your W is not posting here we can only "talk" to you.
Of course, I made a lot of mistakes in my marriage. I also put a lot of things right. At least I tried which even being on this board is testament to. My ex-wife would never waste her time doing what I'm doing.
I honestly think sometimes there's just too much sh1t lucking in past to go back there. That's the conclusion I've come to.
I may not be the easiest person in the world to get on with, I am opinionated and stubborn. Unless my ex-wife is prepared to make changes and stops putting the responsibilty on my shoulders - as you guys are doing - then it's hopeless.
Maybe you've been hearing it all these years because it was true? Okay for sake of argument, in what way would you want your communication with her to be better? If you two had what you define as "good communication", what would that look like in your pespective.
Lol, you sound like my ex, she'd love you.
Yeah, it's all me. You have no idea, believe me.
Good communication: People say what they mean, they don't expect you to mind read, they stick with what they've said, don't change their mind continually...
OK - well, if there is too much sh*t lurking in the past for you then be done. Just because you are done with the marriage it doesn't mean you won't have feelings to deal with, right?
You are correct that BOTH parties will need to make real and lasting changes in order to even see if something can be rebuilt. The hard part about that concept is it usually falls on one person for a while. If you don't want to take on that task then so be it. Nothing wrong with deciding you are done. You will have to work on you either way in order to have a good life for YOU and a future R you might be in.
Okay so isn't this like how you "expected" her to respond back to you but got pissed when she didn't?
"People say what they mean, they don't expect you to mind read, they stick with what they've said, don't change their mind continually..."
Right there is your answer. Jot this down, give concrete examples and pass this along to your W. Have her do the same as to what she considers as good communication. Hell she probably doesn't even know there is a problem.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
OK - well, if there is too much sh*t lurking in the past for you then be done. Just because you are done with the marriage it doesn't mean you won't have feelings to deal with, right?
You are correct that BOTH parties will need to make real and lasting changes in order to even see if something can be rebuilt. The hard part about that concept is it usually falls on one person for a while. If you don't want to take on that task then so be it. Nothing wrong with deciding you are done. You will have to work on you either way in order to have a good life for YOU and a future R you might be in.
I don't have much in the way of feelings left for her. There is a definite bond which will never die and I can't explain it, but I'm not in love with her, it's been seven years. There won't be any getting over her on my part because I've already done that.
I'm pretty happy with the way I am now. Spent years soul searching after we split and I'm ok. Sure this thread hasn't been a roaring success, haha, but I have no trouble getting girlfriends who I don't seem to have communication problems with. It's just finding one I actually want to keep that seems to be the problem, lol.
I do firmly believe that there's a time for reflection and change when a relationship ends and then you need to get on with your life, not waste it continually trying to change to accomodate other people.
