Nikblondiew, Thanks for checking in. My H went to my friend’s house for dinner last night. When he left she called me to inform me of what he said. Basically he told her that he is not having an A, and that this OW and he are just friends (which is a lie). She told him that if she were his wife, she would have @#%@#^@ (if you get what I mean). She explained to him that I should be more important then any friendship with this OW, and that if he wanted the M to work, he had to commit 100%. He told her that he was scared of getting hurt again, and that he doesn’t think I can change my controlling behavior. He also told her that he doesn’t feel like I really love him, and that I just want him back so I’m not alone and for help with house and kids. My friend told him that she knows me almost as good as he does if not better, and that she knows beyond a doubt that I love him.
My goal the next few days, is to distance myself from this sitch (as much as I can), until I can contact the OWH. I’m hoping to do that by this Saturday. I checked the phone records today, and she called him at 10:45 pm and it shows as 1 min (I suspect he didn’t answer, and she left a voice mail). She called him again an hour later at 12:15 am this morning, that one was 2 min long. I’m not sure if that is another voice mail or not. I know they IM a lot, so these phone calls could have been her telling him to get on the computer so they could talk, but I’m guessing. I will be seeing H tonight, his night with kids. However, I have tons of homework, so I will have something to keep me busy while he is around.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Couldn't agree more...much like my husband too he doesn't get that I should've been more important than a "friend" but those type of friends are never just that. Sadly.
I'm here to listen if you need me MB. Hope today provides you with peace.
mb28 When I got to looking around the computer I was able to get the OW IM. I told her I knew who she was - I knew that she had asked to ensure that their A was kept very QUIET! (I saw the emails they exchanged). I told her that WAS NOT going to happen anymore.Also told her that if she went anywhere near my children I would file for a restraining order!! I called her a few choice words too!! When I mentioned the courts she immediatly logged off - 10 minutes my H called me and wanted to meet... that's when I dropped the BOMB on him and told him I knew everything and had the emails and IMs they exchanged.
I have ALL the OW contact information - I even have her home address and her H's information - home phone number etc. I got all this by doing a reverse email check!! I even have her FB. I had typed up a message for her H but have decided that she is nothing, that I have to focus on my M and not her situation.
I would by ALL means confront OW - is OW married ? If yes - let her know that you know and if needed you will take the steps to expose her. Seemed to have work for me for the moment.
GOOD Luck - I think confronting the OP has to be a personal choice - but if you are like me you will fill some empowerment by confronting the OW.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
i only have a sec mb28 but i would not confront OW with a letter, phonecall, etc. if you contact her it only elevates her importance in your marriage, your world, your husband's world. she is a symptom of the problem but not the problem. regardless of what you say to her she will take it to mean that she is important and SHE IS NOT!! don't focus on her...she is really small in the overall big picture.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
mb28 - its going - I am learning to detach. Hardest dang thing I have ever done. I have let go of the anger - huge load off my shoulders. I even had the courage to tell H on Sunday that I was not angry anymore - that we needed to move forward and become friends again. Have had NC with H since Sunday - not that I don't want it!!
reading LOTS everyday have 2 DB books and the 3rd is on the way. they say knowledge is power! Keeping a journal too.
LNG Me - 37 H - 42 S - 19 D - 16 D - 14 M - 20 years S - 1/11/2010 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942142&page=1
lostnotgone, The detaching is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do too. And I have not been very good at it either. He gives me a tiny little positive sign, and I melt. I hate that he has that affect on me.
You sound like you are doing good, keep up the good work.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
