Dear H, I would like to advise you of some decisions I have made. I see no reason to meet at this time. As I see it, we have nothing to discuss in person. Its clear this divorce does need to move forward and as things are now it would be the best thing for me. Here is where I stand.
Are you sure you don't want to see him in person? Sounds like you are looking damn good lately. Might be good for him to see you. Maybe make it brief, (because you have another appointment), have a friend ring your cell while you are with him. "sorry, i have to take this. hi. yes, i'll be there soon. me too. bye."
I know you have some legitimate complaints about my role in the dysfunction of our marriage. I acknowledge that, and as you know, have been dealing with my issues. I believe in time you could see that those changes are for real. I understand that you feel a lack of trust, and I feel I have done many things since you left to demonstrate I am trustworthy.
Why are you going on and on about showing you are trustworthy when he's the one who had the affair?
I would have been willing to put in some effort to see if this marriage can be saved.
Like the past tense.
I think we both will regret someday that we didn’t do everything we could to be sure it’s un-salvageable.
I recommend you speak only for yourself.
I have decided that there is no longer an open invitation for you to come home. I deserve more than this from my husband. I deserve better than a husband who commits adultery; someone who will respect me and our marriage vows.
You don't need to say that with words. Your actions will speak louder.
I cannot respect your decision to cut and run and I damn well cannot respect your decision to involve a third person in our marriage.
Again, no need to say it.
I do not see how you and I could negotiate through our divorce when a third person is involved.
I don't understand this. The divorce needs to happen third party or not. If there were not a third party, you would probably not be getting divorced. Negotiation is usually preferable to litigation.
You need to file for divorce when you are ready.
Why wait for him. He's getting the better end of the deal so would have a reason to drag his feet.
Also, didn't you say that in your group of friends he is blaming you, yada, yada? Taking the initiative to divorce him could be a good move. Would you file with adultery as your grounds?
Look at it this way, he ended the marriage with his behavior. By filing, you are just trying up the loose legal ends.
Once you serve me with the required papers I’ll have my lawyer take a look at things from my end. Since we are divorcing we cannot collaborate.
I don't understand why you can't collaborate.
It’s in my best interests to keep that separate going forward. I need to protect myself.
Does this really need to be said. No need to explain that you will look out for yourself. The arrangement we have had the last several months has been in your favor. I am willing to continue to work together on bills with you. Until a final divorce decree is singed by the judge all bills that have both of our names on them will continue to be paid out of the joint acct so we both may see what is happening, no matter who contributes more or less.
Could be a risky way to do it. Don't you need to get a written agreement and have the judge sign off on it to make it a court order?
I understand that this is not an ideal financial situation, but it never is in Divorce. I currently work two jobs to pay for my lifestyle and I am willing to continue to work hard to take care of myself. You may need to make those sacrifices as well.
He can figure it out himself what he may or may not need to do.
I anticipate a VERY nasty return email and who knows what he will do from there. The last time I told him I was reducing how much I paid on our bills and told him he needed to increase his amounts; I got a scathing, nasty, petty email from him. I'm a little afraid of what he is going to do - but hey - his choice I guess!
yeah, like he could go wipe out the joint account. check with your lawyer before telling him this. could be another good reason to file.
