As for calling Lotus an idiot, she is. Her post is very rude about me and she makes a bunch of statements which she assumes which because they apply to her she assumes apply to my ex.
You are out of line.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think if you've been responding to your W the way you've been responding to those on this board, then I can see how "communication has been a problem" with you and your W.
Have you given a thought that maybe it's the way YOU communicate that's an issue? that maybe YOUR expectations are the ones that no one seems to be able to follow? Just a crazy thought.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Anyway, had a good long think about this thread in the car on the way home.
Yeah, you're all correct in that I need to work further on my communication skills, but then I already knew that. I guess I came onto this forum for the wrong reasons: I did all my DBing seven years ago and make huge changes at the time. I'm not really interested in spending the rest of my life trying to change to accomodate other people. What I really wanted to hear was that my ex-wife also needs to work on her communication skills. Instead, however, I've obviously got a bunch of DBing responses where it's entirely down to me and there's no such thing as bad behaviour on her part. Fair enough, I guess, given the forum I'm on.
Most of you have grasped what I was talking about but a few of you seem to have just read the text conversation and entirely missed the point behind it.
Some of you will have seen my other thread in which the pretty much universal response was don't go there.
I've decided now I'm not going to. When she gets back from Greece I will tell her the reasons why: too much bad history to get over and too many problems to sort out. Just not worth the effort. This board has at least helped me to make that decision.
I thank you all for your responses and I genuinely wish you all the best for the future.
Gypsy: Thanks for your great posts they really helped.
As for calling Lotus an idiot, she is. Her post is very rude about me and she makes a bunch of statements which she assumes which because they apply to her she assumes apply to my ex.
Doesn't EVERYBODY need to work on their communication skills?
What if everybody said to you "yup, you are 110% correct, your W's communication skills are terrible" what good would that do? Not much as you can't force somebody to work on their communication skills. If they do decide to work on their communication skills it might not be "your way". Then what?
The reason all the focus is on you (generally speaking) is the simple fact you can't control anybody else but you. You can't make somebody do something.
I think if you've been responding to your W the way you've been responding to those on this board, then I can see how "communication has been a problem" with you and your W.
Have you given a thought that maybe it's the way YOU communicate that's an issue? that maybe YOUR expectations are the ones that no one seems to be able to follow? Just a crazy thought.
Yes, I have given it a though. If you read the thread you'll see I happily admit that I need to work on communication. I just don't want to hear that it's entirely me all the time. Gypsy is the only one on here who managed to get that across.
Well I don't think you understand that communication involves 2 people. I think we all understand that. I think you lost sight of the fact that you have to work on it WITH her and not keep saying "I don't know why she doesn't" or "She is so rude when she..."
That's what you should talk to her about. Not on things based on mind reading.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Doesn't EVERYBODY need to work on their communication skills?
What if everybody said to you "yup, you are 110% correct, your W's communication skills are terrible" what good would that do? Not much as you can't force somebody to work on their communication skills. If they do decide to work on their communication skills it might not be "your way". Then what?
The reason all the focus is on you (generally speaking) is the simple fact you can't control anybody else but you. You can't make somebody do something.
Because I needed to hear it's not ENTIRELY me. I heard all that for the twenty years I was with her. I don't want to hear it anymore. I accept I need to work on myself. As I say in my other recent post, I'm on the wrong forum.
