Calystra, How do you suggest counseling without appearing controlling? I think we could be helped tremendously by it, but have brought it up before (way back in Dec after bomb #1) and don't want him to think I am brow beating him.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Calystra, How do you suggest counseling without appearing controlling? I think we could be helped tremendously by it, but have brought it up before (way back in Dec after bomb #1) and don't want him to think I am brow beating him.
Trying to get someone into counseling because you think they ought to be in there with you or because you think they need it is controlling no matter how you phrase it. The best you can do is start individual counseling and invite the other person along (if it is ok with your counselor) but make it their choice. Maybe encourage (not force, not demand, not ultimate, not blackmail) them to seek their own individual counseling as well - perhaps offer to provide them with a list of referals though that may be pushing it.
I've often wondered....how did you tell your H about the bb? When did you do so....before/during your separation? Was he open to it from the beginning?
Well for anyone that didn't see on my other thread JJ SUGGESTED I move the party to Just for Fun!
Soooo in the morning I will post a link to the party!!
Sage will be guest of honor for all of her hard work this past couple of weeks to kick a ghost in the teeth!!! Which she IS going to finish doing Saturday. I have absolute confidence in her.
David has not said if he will be bringing chili tomorrow or not.
But I think he wants to get some input into his costume so you guys will have to give him some advice!!!!
Maybe JJ will wear his pink underwear tomorrow.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I was going to let David answer you first but he probably won't post till midnight or so and I will be in bed by then!!!
I think David is still undecided on whether he wants his own thread or not and according to a friend from the bb I did overkill on trying to make it clear to him that I am not pushing him in any direction on that decision.
I think David is getting quit a bit of support on this thread from time to time so I am hopefull that maybe they have made him feel welcome and supported.
I think more than likely the slowing down of things would be good for David and mines communication. We do a little bit of emails and I have I think, David could say, gotten much better and taking lots of time with them and really trying to be clear when I write.
I think even our IM's and phone conversations have slowed the pace down a bit and we both do more thinking before responding. I still have a long ways to go I know. But I am much better at seeing it when I mess up now and apologizing. I remember you told me one time you are going to slip, but make amends and work to do better next time. I haven't forgotten a lot of what you told me, it just slips off somewhere from time to time.
I think I like the idea of having the two separate threads. I noticed when I post on this one I feel a bit more restrained and apprehensive maybe at times. Actually have not posted much recently, not anything serious anyway. Plus since David didn't want to read my thread I wasn't sure how much he was comfortable with my placing on this thread.
I think if David is interested in trying this we need some guidance, at least I do, in knowing what you mean to post on this thread.
Thank you for dropping by Cal, it is always so nice to 'see' you again!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
But I am much better at seeing it when I mess up now and apologizing. I remember you told me one time you are going to slip, but make amends and work to do better next time. I haven't forgotten a lot of what you told me, it just slips off somewhere from time to time.