Marriage Downgraded to Good Friends on 2/5/10

[MrBond]

"We both established 3/19 as our put up or shut up date as that is the Friday where my son's standardized testing ends."

The deadline isn't going to work. When you establish a deadline on something like this, it exerts pressure to both people. Pressure creates stress. Stress creates conflict. And besides. The deadline is based on your child who isn't even involved in the conflict.

Both you and your W need to establish boundaries as to what can or cannot be done (such as contacting the OM) and then commit to do the work. Then let time and togetherness work itself out.

You can't relate your smoking to your W's EA with the OM. Iin the case of your smoking, you are willing to stop and are putting in an effort. She, however, has not.

"She did mention that she is going to take a job ASAP. She told me that she thinks I am feeling like she is a mooch."

She could be lining a job to prepare for her departure. Make it clear that it is not what she is doing it for.

"I found out that this night of sex was going to be with someone that she knew from her past and they were in the process of rekindling their relationship."

Is she still in contact with this person?