There have been many posts lately on analyzing what you were doing wrong and lessons learnt. I must be fogged right now, I can't think of anything learnt here to be applied in R or M in future.
Sorry I've been absent, I didn't realize you had a new thread.
I'm feeling like I need to go back and reread your initial thread so I'll get to that tomorrow.
Here's my pep talk for tonight:
Yep, I've had the "wish he were dead" thoughts too. It would just make things so much easier. Sigh. But Gno is right, just don't do anything to further that along.
Where's your PMA? What GAL activities are you doing these days? That's the place to start. List all the positives in your future, even if they're just maybes. What can you do tomorrow and this weekend to put a smile on your face? It's so much easier to deal with the crap when you're happy about the other things going on in your life.
Don't get stuck trying to figure out why. Accept that you will never know why and don't think about it. When your mind goes there start singing your favorite song.
Let's just get you a bit happier first, then we'll move on to self analysis.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
In addition to PMA, maybe good old PRIDE and DIGNITY when dealing with his bad behavior? Knowing that you can hold your head up high because YOU always behaved well--even when you have to call the police to get your own car--will go a long way in helping you cool your temper now, and feel better in the future.
The more you look and act like the grown up, the better you will feel and when things get nasty, the better you will look to others.
Water off the back, water off the back...
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
I'm afraid that when I'm angry I don't behave with pride and dignity. Right now any kind of interaction with him makes me angry. He's communicating to me like it's me who's being difficult and a jerk, and I let it get to me.
It helps being busy and keeping my wondering mind on something like Olympic figure skating. Can't wait! And a snowboard halfpipe, and ski jumpers and aerials! I still have to figure out TV schedule. Last time it was a bummer, I did not have the right channels, so watched the skating from the pub.
Yay, someone to discuss figure skating with! I'm a little disappointed that I'll miss the first event(s) this weekend, but will DVR so I can watch on Tuesday when I'm back in town.
WA, try to follow the 48 hour rule. I know it's hard but it does get easier as you get into it. I have some good emails on anger that I got from DivorceCare, I'll send them to you in the alt. BTW, you can sign up for their daily email. I found many of them helpful.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
It's funny, because I normally have a very hot temper. Fly right off the handle.
Maybe the constant anxiety takes away the energy I have to be angry?
But anyhow, I do sympathize. It is SO hard to find that .0001 split second between the thing that is making you angry and BEFORE you blow up to do all the mind-tricks that we all read about and hope to put into practice.
I can say that I have gotten a LOT better at controlling my anger over the years, so I can say that it IS possible. Took a lot of looking at my triggers, practicing taking a deep breath, and a LOT of apologizing to folks that I had just snapped at.
I still do lose it at customer service reps/phone jail stuff.
Find that .0001 split second---grab it, count it, breathe it....then respond calmly. You can do it!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
I always had a short temper. My temper was about as short as the width of a human hair. It never, NEVER did me one bit of good. I'm learning that another person cannot 'make' you angry. They can't 'force' you to give up internal regulation of your emotions.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
