I understand and have been working through some anger and resentment the last week or two. A couple of days ago, after a pretty deep emotional bloodletting, I realized I had to get control of my emotions. As usual, Coach has great advice.
I would add what I did, and it has worked for me. I made myself stop focusing on W and our past and why W refuses to work on the M. Instead, I have devoted my mental and emotional energy to the positive things that lie ahead for me: -being independent again -deciding where I want to live and what type of housing I want - condo? House? -realizing things I want to do but haven't -realizing there is a world of women out there who will be interested in me and, at some point, one of them will be the right one for me. -thinking of all the things (trips/activities) I will decide to do with my kids.
All of these things help me realize the world will go on no matter what happens in my M.
And if you can focus on those future positives, you will not be dragged down by your current situation or the past. In a sense (and I'm guilty of this too), your W controls the present and tries to control the past with her version of the past. But, YOU control your future at this point.
If W wants back in, she knows where to find you and, more importantly, she knows what to do to win you back (or try). From the things she is saying and her actions, it doesn't sound to me that she's ready to try to win you back or truly realized what she's lost. Until then, my suggestion is to continue on with your life while leaving a door open for her to walk through, if only in your mind.
Quite simply, you decide whether you want to be tethered to the current or past situation. Unburden yourself of those by focusing on your future.
