Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks Sandi. Kids are doing good. With W being much more engaged with them over the last week to 10 days, that has been good for them too as they are now getting attention from both parents and I notice the difference in how they behave and act. The younger one is behaving better and there is less fighting between the two of them over mom's attention...although I think there is still a little carryover after months of inattention.

There is no way I could say no to her going on the trip. She did ask me what I thought, if I was ok with it, and if I thought she was making the right decision. So, I did have an opportunity to say you shouldn't go or I don't want you to go...but talk about controlling. Her dad has spots on his lungs from asbestos, sounds bad, was sick for a month and even passed out once and no one told W cause they were afraid she'd be worried, he "sounded bad and old" on the phone last night according to W, and she's been thinking a lot about how her relationship with her dad isn't that good and wants to try to mend some fences...

I don't think it would be right to set a boundary on a suspicion that may or may not be true. I believe her reasons for wanting to see him and I believe that was the primary motivator for the trip...but if she is still in contact with OM, I wonder if this didn't suddenly become an opportunity to get together, even if for just one day/night.

One thing I can do is suggest W stay with my brother who just moved there...will think about that one...got some time to watch/listen and monitor.

Thanks for continuing to check in with me and offering your perspective/advice. I am forever grateful.