He said he is done!!

[motherof3]

Motive - good question...
1) need to tell him the decision about the house.

Ok. I buy into this.

2) and this is the hard one... I am having issues detaching - I feel that if I disconnect completely I will really lose him. This is why we are where we are...we disconnected from each other - shut eachother out. How do we get back with total detachment?

Detaching is not easy. Trust me I know. You are scared of really losing him. But in reality, isn't he already gone? In my sitch H and I ultimately shut each other out too. Shame on me for letting this happen. Shame on him for letting this happen too. But I have accepted that if H should choose to work on the M/R it will be on his time table which is out of my control.

Detachment is not logical. It is the last thing you want to do. But detachment is ultimately for you not him. Show H you can live without him. You may want him, but you don't need him.