My H went to my friend’s house for dinner last night. When he left she called me to inform me of what he said. Basically he told her that he is not having an A, and that this OW and he are just friends (which is a lie). She told him that if she were his wife, she would have @#%@#^@ (if you get what I mean). She explained to him that I should be more important then any friendship with this OW, and that if he wanted the M to work, he had to commit 100%. He told her that he was scared of getting hurt again, and that he doesn’t think I can change my controlling behavior. He also told her that he doesn’t feel like I really love him, and that I just want him back so I’m not alone and for help with house and kids. My friend told him that she knows me almost as good as he does if not better, and that she knows beyond a doubt that I love him.
My goal the next few days, is to distance myself from this sitch (as much as I can), until I can contact the OWH. I’m hoping to do that by this Saturday. I checked the phone records today, and she called him at 10:45 pm and it shows as 1 min (I suspect he didn’t answer, and she left a voice mail). She called him again an hour later at 12:15 am this morning, that one was 2 min long. I’m not sure if that is another voice mail or not. I know they IM a lot, so these phone calls could have been her telling him to get on the computer so they could talk, but I’m guessing. I will be seeing H tonight, his night with kids. However, I have tons of homework, so I will have something to keep me busy while he is around.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
No, don't email her. It's pursuing. I've been following your thread, because I am in a bit of a similar situation, not knowing whether to blow the cover off my h's affair -- he's lied to his family, to me, to everyone, pretending that he's just a long suffering sad boy in a miserable marriagee (boo-hoo) and nothing about the 4 affairs in the past ten years.
I digress, sorry.
You have been given great advice here, mb. If your h is coming over tonight, why would you hang around doing homework? At the very least, clear out and go to the library to do the work. He doesn't need to know that.
SusanA, Thanks for the advice, I've had her email for awhile but didn't feel it would do me any good to send her anything. I've just started thinking lately that maybe I should, but wasn't sure how the more experienced DB'esters felt about it.
I'm planning on staying home, but locking myself in the office. If he trys to engage me in any type of talk, then I will leave.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Puppy, Yes, an e-mail to her to tell her to back off (worded differently of course). How do you feel about this and if you agree how would you word it?
WhatNow, I would love to name call and tell her what a horrible wife and mother I think she is. But I know that is not the right thing to do. I really like your suggestion, thank you.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I'm not in favor of directly confronting OM/OW. I think it elevates their importance, and gives them respect they don't deserve (think POTUS meeting with a leader of a band of rag-tag terrorists), it may cause the betrayed spouse to say things they'd regret, and it tends to elicit a response from the predator that might be mistaken for even one SHRED of truth.
I prefer to see betrayed spouses concentrate their exposure efforts on the OM/OW's spouse, and their confrontation efforts on their own cheating spouse.
