Thank you Stuck, Puppy, GH31 for your replies. I'm beginning to understand the purpose of DB'ing and I want my self respect back and for W to respect me. Reconciliation is very important to me too. Will the conflict that occurs from my forcing myself back in help/benefit the relationship part of our separation? Have there been cases where this has helped a relationship or is it purely an act of gaining self respect?
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
So short-term? She'll be livid, and your R may take a hit. But long-term, you will gain her RESPECT, and since women tie their feelings of respect very closely with their feelings of love, you will actually be strengthening her feelings for you. And if not? You still have the second benefit of getting your OWN, SELF-respect back.
Other than being too weak to withstand the short-term blowback, I can't see a downside to the approach. You're simply afraid of your wife. I know, cuz I was too. Italian fireball. But once I saw that she could scream and holler all she wanted, but "I'm Still Standin'"
Italian fireball. But once I saw that she could scream and holler all she wanted, but "I'm Still Standin'"