Talk About a Quick Divorce

[elscotto]

So now her life is one of most of her "friends" sem to be offering her support--not for someone that was in and escaped a bad situation and a bad world but more from a friend who sees someone going through a tough time. I've been pretty brutal on the ex where I have found out that she has painted me out to be a monster and has constructed a revisionist history of the marriage and how unhappy its been for so many years and so on. I am sorry but I just have not been a big enough person to just sit idly by and in my opinion watch her "get away" with betraying me, destroying our marriage, having an affair, and then leaving the marriage without any desire to save it--if for nothing else the kids and then sally forth with a smooth transition to the "new life" ready made complete with a new man.

I still love her and suspect that I always will. I would like to have the fairy tale life back that we once had. This weekend is the first weekend in 7 years that we have not taken the kids snow skiing with the rest of the families we ran around with. They are still going just without us. More than anything it kills me to see my kids in this situation. This hit them so hard and so out of the blue like it did with me that they were shattered. They only once in a while ever even saw mom and dad disagree and then it was usually because one of use were crabby over something and ended quickly. By my ex's admission we have had only 5 major arguments that got heated since we have been together going back to college days 21 years ago. It just was a shock to me, the kids, our friends, family etc...

I don't know what to do with her these days in terms of how much to engage and dettach. Even if she wanted to come back tomorrow it would be no but I don't want to alienate her because I think I might see a "What the hell have I done?" crash coming at some point in the future. She walked away from a lot on the premis that "her business and her martial arts" gave her the confidence to do this. The problem is the business doesn't support her in the lifestyle she had for 16 years (she has been a stay at home mom until we opened the businesses in 2005) and the martial arts club/family has for the most part turned their back on her and the OM. The neighbor/friends live next to me--not her so they are starting to gradually shift away so it only leaves the ex with the OM. Not much to take away from what she had.

Will she crash? time will tell. What should I be looking for? What should I expect if she comes to me and wants forgiveness? I can't--she openly chose another person over me, her home, her marriage, and in some regards her kids.