Talk About a Quick Divorce

[elscotto]

So here we are 4 mos after the D and 6 months ago I had ZERO idea there was anything wrong in our marriage. I did some bad things through the process. When she indicated that she might be "interested" in someone else I went crazy and went into total detective mode. I logged into our cell phone records and looked for texting or calling patterns, looked at the business phone records of where she worked (we owned that business) and didn't see any smoking guns. Even in the middle of the night--because most know if you have been through this sleep becomes a distant friend that you don't see enough of so I installed a key stroke logger on her Mac. The Mac OS caught that but she wasn't transacting the affair via that anyway because I did capture enough to see it was just business. Finally, I figured it out--she was using her phone and Blackberry messenger to do it. I have an iphone and so didn't have the application and couldn't even mesage her that way.

After I caught her out with the OM but before the D our mutual friends asked me/us to consider a 30 day cooling off period. I offered it to her but I said I would do that only on the condition that she cease contact with the OM. She said that wasn't relaistic because he was in the same martial arts club and she saw him as a part of that. I said well we'd need to schedule so that you aren't there when he is. She got mad and said let's just get this done. So I said okay I will respect your wishes and we did.

People from the martial arts club started approaching me and offering support and help with our boys when I had them. This I guess was my first indication that they knew something and had decied it wasn't necessarily my doing. The OM's STBX wife confronted my ex and told her that she was a low life home wrecking Ho' and it just got uglier. People from the martial arts school stopped inviting my ex and the OM to functions and parties however my ex still is friends with a couple of the families in the neighborhood and most of her social life revolves around doing exactly what she was doing before we split only just without me there. I am sure that she is just holding on to some of the things she once had.

I wouldn't take the ex back and even if I would it would be doomed for failure. She betrayed me when she went to the Asian trip while I worked at home and kept the house together. However, it pains me to see that her mothering has changed so dramatically. She had custody of the kids on New Years Eve and I specifically stayed away from the party where we go every year (the house next door to mine in my neighborhood) so that people wouldn't be uncomfortable with us both there. She came to the party and then ended up leaving and letting my boys stay there while she went to another mutual friend's party with the OM and then most likely back to his palce or hers and then didn't return for the kids until 2 am. The neighbors and friends were pretty disgusted with her. Had I known I would have come tot he party so my boys were not alone on New Years Eve.

More to follow--trying to break up a sag into something easier to read and digest.