Your h has rewritten history and you are second guessing yourself. Stop it. You know what your marriage was like for 20 yrs. You also know that you have been more than willing to accommodate him with the schedule for the children. He's projecting on to you what he feels about himself.
Stop trying to make him happy. Happiness comes from within and you can only make yourself happy. He's got to learn that lesson as by his lonesome. He's looking for any excuse to make you jump through hoops. No matter what you do, it will never be enough while they are in crisis. Start doing for you and your family. Allow God to work on him.
What can you do to find content? What projects do you have that you need to start or finish up that have been sitting for months or maybe years because you've been so busy w/your family? It's time now to start thinking of yourself, pamper yourself and above all else, be kind to yourself. Don't allow him to make you a victim and feel beneath him, for you are not. You are a kind and loving woman w/a heart of gold.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
