I have a problem with your respect comment. Primarily because I am now very convinced that you are probably dealing with MLC.
Which means that while she may have lost respect for you, right now, she is not going to regain it.
Treat her with respect, compassion, and dignity. Be the bigger person in all of this.
I can understand your anger, frustration, and hatred of the lies.
Well, MLCer’s lie. It is the rule of thumb around here. They lie. My H even lies about if he ate or not. Why? Does that really matter to me, other than whether I put food away or leave it out? No. But they still lie away…. That is one of the things that you can expect while you are having no expectations LOL.
The budget, I would not call it an allowance or anything like that. If you give her x amount of dollars, because she needs x amount for rent, electric, etc…and you have given her some for wiggle room…
Well I might set a boundary, this is all I can give you, if you need more, you will have to find another resource. Why? You are supporting two households, you are getting ready to begin a new job, that contains a pay cut and you want to prepare to live within those means a month or two ahead of time. Something to that effect.
What you need to realize is that she will probably try to find every way around this that she can. Be ready to be consistent with your boundary. If the electric in her apartment is going to be shut off, don’t just hand her money. Make some other offer, the kids can stay with you until she can resolve it. Because it will be possible that she will pull at your heart strings through them too.
Honestly, this is only a maybe of what could happen, but if I had to do what you are, this is how I would do it. There comes a time, where you have to do what is not really easy. The consequences of this may be really bad. You just don’t know. And you have to be prepared for it.
The only other option, is to continue letting her run things, and just prepare to hit bottom with her financially. I am sorry that you are having to make these tough choices.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
