Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

Ok. That was harsh. Not everyone sees me as someone I'm not. During our e-mail relationship over the past 2 years H has accused me of wanting or trying to keep the kids from him, when that wasn't even close to true. He's accused me of calling him an as*&^%e and worse---bashing him in front of my family and friends, and I haven't once. I am not a vindictive bi*&h, I haven't once had the attitude that I will make him pay for all of this. I have only dreamed of anothr chance.

I have tried extremely hard to do anything I thought would make him happy-----and looked for signs of approval and signs of movement that were never there or only imagined.

I have not once tried to keep the kids from him, in fact I've always agreed to anything he's suggested schedule wise. He sees them every weekend----since scheduling pitching practice for the girls every Sunday. He sees them when he wants. Even in emotional e-mails/pleas for answers I've never referred to him with the words he calls himself in his e-mails. The only word I have ever used to describe him was coward----after sending the last E-MAIL about ending our marriage. Anyone that I have confided in, anyone that I have talked to has heard how I still love him and only want another chance. Everyone that I have talked to has been told that I know I made mistakes in our marriage that I would desperately love to have a chance to fix. I have never once referred to him as an a&*(^le. I still love him. But, I know that doesn't matter. I've made plenty of other mistakes, and he sees things the way he wants to, in an effort to make this all seem right.

I come here to vent. I come her to "whine." I come here for advice and to seek approval. I don't try to single anyone out, or ostracize others. I know I need help from all. Despite my high functioning ability, I am teetering on the brink of total melt down. I let some of that out here, but not to the rest of the world.