Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

You guys, this is sooo hard for me.

I so love Ange (W), and have for close to 25 years, BUT as Cutter says, "the opposite to love is indifference". Each and every day since Ange left, there has been indifference, no positive no negative, just "I'm past it".

Sara (D17) says Ange is so happy with her "new" family, loves his kids as if they were her own, has started a garden. All of the "normal" stuff. She's told the kids about the OM, as well as her mum.

The kids just want mum to be happy. Hell that's what I want too. Yeah for a long time I held out hope that she could get there again with me, and I tried to do my best to DB and improve myself to see if we could get there again too. Don't get me wrong, I have improved myself no end, and I'm glad for the fact that I'm a way better person, mostly thanks to all you guys here on the boards and that I wanted to do this for me.

I know there are lots of you who've been on this crap path for a lot longer than I have, and I really feel that I'm letting you down big time, but I honestly think that Ange has really moved on and that there is no chance of us reconciling, or even starting a new R together.

I have no idea what will happen to the house, the kids will stay with me from necessity, but thankfully they are happy to be here too. I guess I'll try to finance buying Ange out when the time comes, because there is too much of me in it to lose.

So that brings me to my OW. The coffee girl. We've been out a few times and really hit it off. I know it's the chemicals talking, but she is terrific and it so feels good to wake up next to someone you genuinely like and respect in the morning.

I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky, and I will always have regrets about "should I hold out longer", "will Ange change her mind", all that stuff...

Bottom line is my kids are happy enough with Ange's situation and my situation. Ange is happy with hers and to be honest I'm happy with mine.

I've wanted to write this for nearly a week and it's been so hard not to.

I genuinely feel that this is the end of this chapter of my life and that I'm ready for the next one, without Ange (and yet I'm still crying writing this).

Please don't condemn either of us for our choices, at the end of the day we both just want to be happy.

So I guess that's probably it for me on the boards. You all know I'm on the Alt way too much, but please drop in for a chat, I'll try and do what little I can to help anyone who cares to chat.

Special thanks to Sandi & Serenity, you kept up my spirits for so long, I really do appreciate it more than you could imagine, but for you I may not have been here to write this.

No actually, that's not it for the boards, I'll hang around and keep up to date as best I can, because even though I won't get the result I want I can say I've been there, done that.

Maybe I can help someone and repay in a small way what you guys have done for me.

((( Everyone )))

Rod