Thank you everyone for your responses. Was really feeling down yesterday and hadn't slept very well. Sometimes H occupies too much headspace.
Snodderly- I so appreciate your wisdom on this subject. Just wanted you to know that I realized no one here was telling me to give up on my H, it was something I was feeling within myself. I do fight it most of the time, but my emotions ride the rollercoaster sometimes. You are so right when you said nothing could please them. As soon as changes were made in an area complained about it either wasn't good enough or shifted to something else. I could not win, and after a long time I stopped trying. That's when H decided that I took him for granted. I admit, I did.
OP- I am scared of the LS and D. Can you elaborate on how to turn the fear into a shield?
C-Bart - That was an amazing post. Definitely words to heed. I have been pulled down into my H's depressive states before trying to 'fix him'. Had to learn the hard way that I couldn't fix him and had to stop myself from being sucked down with him. Maybe that was in preparation for this?
Cat04 - Thank you for that phrase. It intrigues me and I will definitely look it up. I understand that the only person I can control is me and sometimes my control slips. Yes, the old M is dead and I'm not interested in having that one back, anyway. I would like the chance to build a new one with H. With the changes I've made and am continuing to make it couldn't go back to like it was. H is definitely a different man, that's for sure.
Libby- Thank you for giving me a new way to think about this. I'm glad to hear that your H has found a way to try and deal with his past.
Grace - You're so right in that the avoidant personality is its own brand of weird. H didn't deal with anything unless he was forced to. He figured if he didn't think about it, it would just go away. As for me, since I didn't nag at him I either tried to take care of things on my own or repress those things which I couldn't do anything about. I did have some resentment at times for H because he didn't want to face things. All those things that H didn't want to face came bubbling over and he ran, he couldn't deal with them. What I thought I had was the strong silent type of man, what I now know I had is a scared little boy running for cover and looking for someone to take care of him. Hindsight is 20/20. I am trying to forgive myself that I didn't recognize these things sooner. Sometimes you have to step back from a situation and detach before you can see things more clearly.
Thank you all again, you are all blessings in my life!
